I am committed to "being real" here in my blog.
So, instead of an upbeat Easter blog, you will find the truth.
I was horribly depressed for most of the day. "I wonder how many people at church" Ron mumbled "Understand it's a 5 hour round trip for us." Good question.
I took my tablet and tried to figure it out, but it wouldn't download - some error message. I couldn't figure it out. I could at least look around the Google Play store. It took about a month to get to that point, let me tell you.
Church was fine, except for one thing. Ron had gotten out of the wheelchair, hunched over like a troll, and faced the car (a Chrysler 300) I was folding up the chair and putting it into the trunk. Ron complained it was "very hard" to open the car door and requested I do it next time.
Have you ever thought about being married to someone who can't even open a car door? That alone could have triggered the depression.
The service was fine, some people came over and hugged us, and only a few people stared at the wheelchair. Ron had the idea to sit in the front row, at the end, so he wouldn't block the aisle. Good idea, but I felt very exposed. For some reason I tend to get dizzy in, and after, church. I like to hold onto the seat in front of us, but the man in the wheelchair can't block the aisle. God forbid, what if they had an emergency?
We had good rides to and from church. We got home, it's nice and quiet, but I'm depressed.
I hate getting hijacked by neurotransmitters. I ate and took my meds, all I can do, and decided not to nap. We have to get up very early tomorrow, if I take a nap it inhibits my ability to sleep, later.
Don't get me wrong. I'm very glad I have Jesus in my life. I'm glad He died for me. I'm glad He lives in me. If not, I'd have ended myself decades ago.
I just want to get out of this malfunctioning brain for good. When, of course, He decrees it.
1 comment:
I love Google Play books. I have found so many free books in one of my most favorite genres-domestic novels, especially southern domestic novelists, both pre and post Civil War. One of my favorites is Augusta Evans, aka Augusta Evans Wilson. Also Caroline Hentz. And classics like F Scott Fitzgerald, I love his short stories even more than his novels, though I love those. I've discovered so many new domestic novelists (a defunct genre now), all for free, at Google Play books, and at the Gutenburg sites (Gutenburg, Gutenburg Australia for books which are still under copyright in the US due to MGM having bought the movie rights, etc). For me, that has been the most wondrous and exciting thing about the internet-the ability for us bookworms to access books almost anytime, anyplace, and store at least hundreds of them in one small device. I love that.
But other than the convenience, for me, nothing can ever replace the feel and smell of actual printed books, especially the really old ones which belonged to some one long ago, with faded dedications on the frontispiece pages. I love the idea of owning, reading, and loving a book that some person from the past loved, read, and cherished
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