Not the best day

Someone broke my snack machine.  Went to 3 banks only to have the system crash right before I got to the window.  Still waiting.

Sunday afternoon

 I have been trying to take it easy today and in some ways done a good job.  I got a good nap (thumbs up).  I woke up with a headache (thumbs down).  After the Excedrin had kicked in Ron asked for help.  Ay yi yi to quote something he said a lot after the accident.  "You can put it in the blog" he told me proudly, but YOU are not ready for it.  I did put it in my care journal.  

Yes, I signed up for this.  

I found out Ron's mother also used Spic and Span spray cleaner, during the subsequent cleanup.  I found that very interesting.  But I have the tools I need and that's what matters.  So he is back in a pristine bed and I have the other bedding on soak.  I run a soak cycle (one hour) with washing soda and Tide, and then a regular cycle with more Tide and some bleach (it was a bleach job).  

But: how nice to have the extra sheet, the rubber sheet, the paper towels and spray cleaner, trash bags to take away the waste, wet wipes, no-rinse body bath and my little bucket with a washcloth, etc.  I have a system and it works pretty well.  And of course running water, soap, washer, and electricity.  That makes my job a million times easier.  

This does not happen that often and I did log it in case it does develop.  Doesn't seem to be a side effect of either prescription so that's good. 

So I am done with that I don't brood about things like that I try to focus on the positive, like the fact it was not hard to clean up.  

Ron,and I cannot emphasize this enough, is EXTREMELY appreciative and grateful for everything I do for him, even bringing him a bottle of Coke.  He thanks me profusely every time I empty the urinals, for instance.  I can't break confidentiality from my caregiver group but that is apparently not common.  

So I value that.  And I tell him that, how is he going to know what I like, what keeps me here, if I don't tell him?  

I think it helped we had a pretty good base (11 years of him in good shape) before the accident.  And I always expected I would have to help him one day.  

So I just read a statistic, unpaid caregivers have really high rates of suicidal ideation.  That is scary and explains all the concern I got from the social worker, I could tell she was concerned I may be overwhelmed.  

I am tired and sleep deprived today but not suicidal.  I haven't been suicidal in a very long time.  

I just need to figure out if I want to wash my sheets today as well.  I need to mop as well but I'm not up for that, it can wait until Tuesday (nothing major just overall needs it).  Litter boxes are good.  

Yeah, I think I will go ahead and do my sheets.  I am taking my shower tonight so I don't have to do it in the morning.  Then in the morning I will get up, pill time, and care for Ron before I head to work.  I like being able to arrange a ride when I am ready.  Sometimes he needs something at the last minute.  

Dinner?  God knows.  I want to get some fiber into Ron today.  He already agreed to eat some beans.  

That's it for now.  

Ugh

 I forgot about this.  

I tend to manifest stress in my gut.  Not a good night for my gut.  I am pretty empty by now so that should ensure I get some sleep, but I have to get up in 7 hours to give Ron his next seizure pill.  

While I was up I did order him some books, "Anything on adult onset epilepsy" "Something on managing high blood pressure" and a book he read before and enjoyed "Conversations with Neil's brain" a book on the various functions of the brain.  Don't know if he'll read them but at least they are there.  We actually read the last, right before his accident so I had a slight idea what to expect, things like "word finding" - that parts of the brain store vocabulary (damaged for him), other parts regulate emotions (that is damaged for him), etc.  But he doesn't know a thing about epilepsy.  

Saturday afternoon

 I am running out of memory on my phone so I deleted Facebook and my weather app.  I would rather have cat photos and Youtube music.  

But I did check the weather today and it's going to be dry all week.  Normally I don't water the plants but I got out the hose and got that going.  

Ron has been good, moaning a little in his sleep but a good overall attitude.  I think he has been sleep deprived for a while with the seizures and high blood pressure so he is catching up on his sleep.  I take the "Don't bother him if he is sleeping" attitude.  Unless it is pill time then I would wake him up.  

Pills seem to be well tolerated with no side effects aside from a little fatigue.  Ron says he feels pretty raw, especially abdominal muscles, from the seizures.  I bet!  He was really dancing there.  He said I should make a video next time and I told him I doubted that would go over well with the social worker.  

I have figured something out with Biscuit, he likes to come over to me when I'm on the computer.  He likes to sit to my right, reach his front paws up and dig them into my right thigh.  I have figured out that is him, asking to be picked up, I did so today and he lay contentedly in my arms for a good 10 minutes.  So that's good.  I love picking cats up but my experience they all hate it.  It seems Biscuit is OK with it in certain scenarios.  

And here's a great example of God's perfect timing.  As you know yesterday was a bad day for me.  Today I was expecting my shipment of vitamins, mainly ginger root, menopause herbs, and some C for Ron.  I checked my email and they had been delivered.  It is over 100 degrees out there so I went to get them.  And I found a nice surprise in the mail!  

A nice card, I could tell that much.  I came home and opened it, gift cards for a place we like to get delivered, along with another encouraging note.  AWESOME.  Thank you, very much, I will definitely be using that.  Someone has been paying attention.  That was a very nice surprise.  

God has a way of sending me encouragement when I need it, but of course people have to listen to God's leading, and clearly this lady does.  :)  

I did up my pills, I had taken the last of the Wild Yam today.  I feel smoother and fewer hotflashes, sleeping better, taking the herbs and no side effects (they are about $5 a month for both) so I got 2 bottles of each.  I didn't have much money but I could do that.  And the ginger root was so cheap ($2 a bottle of 100) I got 2 bottles of that because I take that frequently for stomach upset.  Swanson's shipping is a flat $5 for the whole order so I might as well.  

I wish Ron had more water today but that is about it for the bad news.  Oh, and we got flood insurance,the bargain price of only $1,600.  They sent it early it isn't due for 2 months.  I guess they figure we need to save up.  

I wonder how many people are having to let insurance lapse this year due to finances, how many will get foreclosed as a result.  Some, I imagine.  God has been generous, we have it but not much besides.  But: OUCH.  

On that note I had a can of peas and some rice for dinner.  It's what I wanted.  I have meat but I just wanted the peas and rice so I went with that.  I took my pills, they are happy so no issue.  So I did that.  Some people say meatless meals are better for menopause.  I don't know about that but now and then I do like to go meatless.  Sometimes I just don't have the taste for meat.  The peas and rice made a complete protein which is all I would worry about.  God knows I take enough vitamins.  

So, Ron, for now (Until I run it past neurologist) is taking a multi with iron, Vitamin E (not at the same time as iron "eats" vitamin E), and some C which I will give with the multi (helps iron absorb).  He came back dehydrated at the hospital which did not surprise me as he is Mr 2 ounces of water a day.  But they didn't say anything about anemia so the iron must be helping.  I may give 2 C's a day, one capsule twice a day.  I need to run that through drugs.com and see if there would be an interaction with his drugs.  

I had probably better go do that.  

I am feeling better today

 Ron has been VERY compliant about taking medication with no complaints, offering to take supplements in addition to (which is a real bonus as I want him getting some magnesium and E).  He doesn't want seizures any more than I do.   

I also plan to call the state library and order some books for him, so he can be informed.  The first thing I do with a diagnosis is go research the hell out of it, that's how I know to go into Doc's office asking for lithium.  He is happy (Ron) to have me take care of him but I think he does need some basics.  Worst case he will send them back without reading.  

But he has been very motivated, good appetite, very appreciative, etc.  I don't think he really took the seizures seriously until they sent him to the ER.  But he is being a good patient now.  I am glad they did do it that way we found out about the blood pressure.  His family does have a history of strokes, probably directly related to blood pressure, so we need to manage both.  

One thing I need to do, looking at his diet Ron eats a lot of salt.  I need to work on that while still keeping everything savory.  I will figure that out.  I don't use a lot of salt in cooking but the premade stuff is LOADED.  Like: a lunchable.  Anyway I will figure it out.  Maybe he will be OK with just medication.  

He liked the sausage so much I cooked more for him.  I am glad to see him eating he has not eaten enough.  And protein foods, etc. can only benefit him.  He is still pretty young (60's).  I just sliced up some link sausage; one thing Houston does well is a link sausage.  I got some Chappel Hill (my father in law loved them) and some HEB specialty blend.  

So I slept great last night, didn't wake up once.  And that informs my mood of course, I am really happy about that.  Cats are good.  Torbie is still a little stiff but terrible about taking medication and won't eat the "good" treats with things like glucosamine or the mussel extract.  

I am glad I got the cooking over with before my shower, I don't like to smell like food all day.  I am still doing intermittent fasting, I will check my weight tomorrow but I will be happy to maintain right now.  Clothes fit, that's what matters.  So that means I eat at 11.  

Hopefully I get my supplements today.  Tracking stuff still says that is on for today.  I got some menopause herbs for me (they do help) and some Vitamin C for Ron.  Have you tried to find Vitamin C at the store, lately?  Impossible.  So I got some for him since I was making a order anyway.  

That's it for now, I will make another post later.  

Not quite what I was expecting

 So I laid down for a nap.  Spotty came out from under the bed and joined Biscuit and me and in the bed.  Biscuit objected to Spotty laying on my chest and attacked him, full claws.  While Spotty was on my chest.  My legs are bloody.  

So, we got that sorted (Biscuit won) and I went to sleep.  1.  I developed a nasty headache AND had a horrible nightmare I was tortured by a sexual sadist (I have pretty vivid dreams).  

Now, lest you think this is due to something I "got" from Ron, Ron has always been a very courteous lover and more concerned with my enjoyment than his own.  He is not selfish by any means, much less a sadist.  That wasn't it.  He was upset to hear I had "a nightmare" but I did not give details.  

I asked him how he felt, a little worried about side effects, and he said he felt "great".  He never uses that word.  So I think, the medication working is helping him get back to a "normal" state and he is enjoying it.  And I can't say enough he has been so good about taking the pills.  He has also been sleeping really well, too.  

So that's all positive.  If I could lick the headache I would be a happy woman.  

Edit: just got a very nice compliment from Ron.  I cooked him some sausage (he has a good appetite which is good as I have worried about him eating enough), and he ate about half, said "I can't wait to get hungry again".  

What a nice compliment!  

Friday morning

 I can't stand people who talk about PTSD they have it from not being picked first in gym class in the 3rd grade, or they "milk" it to get more attention...  

But I do have it and having a MAJOR flare right now.  Can you say "Hyper vigilance?"   Reliving the event, etc.  I am already on medication this is just going to take a little time.  Ugh.  Also have "reliving the event".  I can't really avoid Ron.  Disrupted sleep and flashbacks, yes.  

He gets some of this and has been really good about taking the medication.  And has tolerated it well.  But I woke up 2 times last night, once to help him another time I thought he was having a seizure.  And once this morning he was just making noise but it sounded like he was about to "go".  I remind myself this is going to wind down, it will just take a while.  

In the meantime I am doing the everyday things, helping Ron, changing the sheets, laundry, etc.  If I just sit around wringing my hands it won't be good.  

Needless to say I have been practicing my faith on a regular basis.  Every day I do my prayer and Bible study.  Yesterday I did the prayer part after we got home but I did get it.  I had done the Bible study first in the morning.  I figured it was more important to hear what God was saying.  

And I am TIRED I think I will take an early nap once this load of clothes is done.  I washed all my clothes after going out yesterday and I had some already.  

I am happy to see Ron has been sleeping well since he started on the medication.  His blood pressure in the hospital was about 200/125 so we had to get that down, not to mention stopping the seizures.  

And there's my washer.