Ron did apologize, halfheartedly.
I didn't sleep well Sunday night. Monday morning found me at work, stocking and getting deliveries, in addition to assisting Ron.
Doc's office called, they would see me at 3:15 PM. Now, I love Doc, but he tends to run late.
We had a horrible ride home, going around and around for over an hour, before we finally got home. I barely had time to do my God Time and get a cranberry juice before my cab arrived (I paid for a private cab, to get there). The weather was miserable, too, cold, windy, and overcast.
I got there, paid, and waited. Then I waited some more. Doc is great, but he tends to run behind. He takes as long as it takes, which in my mind is a good thing, but it did make for a very long wait with some very, apparently, contagious people in the waiting room.
Doc and I agree, it is foolish and unsafe to see a doctor for a virus, because the doc generally can't do anything. They tried to give me a flu shot but I told them they put my family in the hospital (both my brother, and sister). We discussed my bladder issues 'I feel like someone's shoving a lit match up my urethra" (and my blood pressure was high, I'm sure from the pain), hydration (very good per the test), etc. He wrote me a prescription for Bactrim, which I can take with no problems.
When finished, I left and took the bus to my Walmart. By the time I got there, they had filled the prescription. I got a few other things, hair ties, more cranberry juice, etc. I tried to focus on high-value protein foods to build my immunity.
Ron called his friend to come pick me up. I had enough time to eat and drink a couple bottles of water before he arrived.
I pretty much went straight to bed. I was up most of the night, in desperate pain and trying to pee.
Today, we had to do truck day. Our inventory was really low. I got enough to hold us for a few days, and so did Ron. I believe he didn't want to make me do a lot of lifting in my condition.
I still had to work, though. That was pretty miserable. I brought a 2 quart cranberry juice and drank that as I worked, then drank water. All told about 2 gallons for the day, and I still have a dry throat.
I wouldn't do well on extreme water rationing.
The cats have been awesome. Torbie is lying partly in front of my screen, I can't see what I'm typing.
I do think that was one of the better things I did, take typing in the 8th grade. I had amy creepy math teacher as the instructor but I did pretty well.
We finished work, I came home, the neighbors were gone, a good chance of getting a nap, which I did. I woke up feeling a lot better. I still feel debilitated but not agonized.
That's it for now.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Killing off tender feelings
Ron has just been awful today.
First it would be the whole "I would be a terrible father" thing. That was bad enough, depressing enough, on it's own. Then it was the usual belittlement and derogatory comments about my faith when he found out I was doing my God time. I tried my best to turn him out, but the last I heard, he was rolling off down the hall, ranting at God, a large glass of wine in his hand.
On occasion, we watch church on my computer. Good enough, although I have to deal with the drinking and derogatory comments during same. I think he just likes to heckle and drink and "get away with it" while presenting a veneer of respectability.
He went in his room and fell asleep. Good. Finally some peace around here.
His alarm went off, signaling time for church. He cursed and shut it off. Considering his previous mood, the fact he's told me never to wake him up unless the house is on fire, and my continued desire for peace and quiet: I left him alone.
I watched church. While it has some valid points for Ron he wouldn't have accepted them. He woke up, checked the time, and became very angry at me for not waking him up.
I told him all my above reasons (except wanting the peace and quiet) and he just erupted. How dare I make that decision for him? I told him he made the decision himself when he cursed and turned off his alarm. The curse indicated "I am not interested in listening to church today".
He continued to attack me, bringing in everything from my weight, our sex life, and even my parents, saying "They wish you wouldn't call them anymore, and hate it when you do". They don't care about me, he said, because no one does, blah blah blah.
The neighbors had left for a while and I decided to lie down for a bit. I am still pretty painful with the bladder infection. I am drinking literally buckets of water.
Ron continued to harangue, because, after all, he's the center of the universe and he'd better be the center of mine. He finally gave up and "let" me sleep for a while, then shouted loudly that he had forgiven me, and he would keep forgiving me every hour or so. Just playing sleep deprivation games, which equal torture.
When I got up, I told him I was going to call the doctor because I wanted an appointment. He said "Good! I hope it hurts a lot!" Now, sometimes he might pass that off as "humor", but in this case he was serious. He's just being as sick and ugly as he can manage because that's how he thinks a marriage ought to be.
Then he complains I don't love him, I never loved him, etc.
I remember in the early days of our relationship he used to castigate me if I didn't cry enough when he said he wanted to split up.
So I have put up walls, walls, walls. I keep my commitments but it's more a grim sense of duty right now. He does a very good job of killing off tender feelings, one girlfriend tried to kill him twice, and his best friend tried to kill him on another occasion, before running off with Ron's then-girlfriend.
I just want to stop hurting: physically and emotionally.
First it would be the whole "I would be a terrible father" thing. That was bad enough, depressing enough, on it's own. Then it was the usual belittlement and derogatory comments about my faith when he found out I was doing my God time. I tried my best to turn him out, but the last I heard, he was rolling off down the hall, ranting at God, a large glass of wine in his hand.
On occasion, we watch church on my computer. Good enough, although I have to deal with the drinking and derogatory comments during same. I think he just likes to heckle and drink and "get away with it" while presenting a veneer of respectability.
He went in his room and fell asleep. Good. Finally some peace around here.
His alarm went off, signaling time for church. He cursed and shut it off. Considering his previous mood, the fact he's told me never to wake him up unless the house is on fire, and my continued desire for peace and quiet: I left him alone.
I watched church. While it has some valid points for Ron he wouldn't have accepted them. He woke up, checked the time, and became very angry at me for not waking him up.
I told him all my above reasons (except wanting the peace and quiet) and he just erupted. How dare I make that decision for him? I told him he made the decision himself when he cursed and turned off his alarm. The curse indicated "I am not interested in listening to church today".
He continued to attack me, bringing in everything from my weight, our sex life, and even my parents, saying "They wish you wouldn't call them anymore, and hate it when you do". They don't care about me, he said, because no one does, blah blah blah.
The neighbors had left for a while and I decided to lie down for a bit. I am still pretty painful with the bladder infection. I am drinking literally buckets of water.
Ron continued to harangue, because, after all, he's the center of the universe and he'd better be the center of mine. He finally gave up and "let" me sleep for a while, then shouted loudly that he had forgiven me, and he would keep forgiving me every hour or so. Just playing sleep deprivation games, which equal torture.
When I got up, I told him I was going to call the doctor because I wanted an appointment. He said "Good! I hope it hurts a lot!" Now, sometimes he might pass that off as "humor", but in this case he was serious. He's just being as sick and ugly as he can manage because that's how he thinks a marriage ought to be.
Then he complains I don't love him, I never loved him, etc.
I remember in the early days of our relationship he used to castigate me if I didn't cry enough when he said he wanted to split up.
So I have put up walls, walls, walls. I keep my commitments but it's more a grim sense of duty right now. He does a very good job of killing off tender feelings, one girlfriend tried to kill him twice, and his best friend tried to kill him on another occasion, before running off with Ron's then-girlfriend.
I just want to stop hurting: physically and emotionally.
I am accountable
I just had, yet another, very disturbing discussion with Ron. Somehow, he got started on parenting, what might happen if we had kids.
I can't even type out what he said. Someone would find us and give him a beating. The boy is messed up. Messed up. He would make the worst father.
Now, I never wanted kids. I had a bellyful of toddlers working in the church nursery, you have to watch them every minute (9 months to 3 years). Kids would have been nice, in the abstract, if I were normal and had some income producing potential, or a husband that could support me in a stay at home Mom position.
None of that came to pass. As I listened to Ron share his views, my first thought was "You need therapy" and the second "Thank God you never had kids". My third "If I ever get pregnant I am giving it up for adoption".
1. Ron would be a toxic father.
2. I am not equipped for mothering. My illness gets in the way and I can't drive. Not to mention money.
3. I am accountable for God for how I allow my kids to be raised, and I would want them in a wholesome home. Currently Ron is in the back room cursing and mocking God. That, I can talk about. That's not what I want my kids to learn. I want them to love and respect God, to value their relationship with him. I want them to be respected.
Now, you might say, and I have read "Once you put the baby in his arms everything changes. He falls in love and everyone lives happily ever after." I couldn't take a chance on that. Not with what Ron was saying.
As I said, I am accountable.
No, I won't talk about it. As I said, wheelchair nonwithstanding, he would get a beating.
I can't even type out what he said. Someone would find us and give him a beating. The boy is messed up. Messed up. He would make the worst father.
Now, I never wanted kids. I had a bellyful of toddlers working in the church nursery, you have to watch them every minute (9 months to 3 years). Kids would have been nice, in the abstract, if I were normal and had some income producing potential, or a husband that could support me in a stay at home Mom position.
None of that came to pass. As I listened to Ron share his views, my first thought was "You need therapy" and the second "Thank God you never had kids". My third "If I ever get pregnant I am giving it up for adoption".
1. Ron would be a toxic father.
2. I am not equipped for mothering. My illness gets in the way and I can't drive. Not to mention money.
3. I am accountable for God for how I allow my kids to be raised, and I would want them in a wholesome home. Currently Ron is in the back room cursing and mocking God. That, I can talk about. That's not what I want my kids to learn. I want them to love and respect God, to value their relationship with him. I want them to be respected.
Now, you might say, and I have read "Once you put the baby in his arms everything changes. He falls in love and everyone lives happily ever after." I couldn't take a chance on that. Not with what Ron was saying.
As I said, I am accountable.
No, I won't talk about it. As I said, wheelchair nonwithstanding, he would get a beating.
Saturday, December 26, 2015
More excitement
Well, that was interesting.
I really wish Ron had been wrong: "I think" he said "They're going to have another party". He was right.
They moved the trampoline right outside my bedroom, I heard the kids but I didn't have the soccer ball going into the wall, either.
So, screaming kids right outside the bedroom for 4 hours or so. Adults sitting around, laughing, for another hour. Then loud polka music as everyone left. We called the police on that one.
I pray this is not a pattern of more parties, they had 3 just this month. One may have been the husband/father's birthday party.
We have severe weather inbound tonight/tomorrow so that should help a lot. We are also getting a dramatic cold front. So, if nothing else, I ought to be able to get a nap on Monday.
Today, just like yesterday, I woke up at 6 AM. My body informed me it would not be going back to sleep, and I have that borderline bladder infection thing, it's better but I still wanted cranberry juice and "Pyridium" (name brand for a urinary anesthetic).
I got up, did my God Time, took my shower (not quite as awful today), and we went to Walmart. I found a kiddie cart. I had a fun time pushing Ron around. I got him some batteries and personal supplies, I got myself the aforementioned bladder things, cat food, and some cleaning supplies.
The cranberry juice (happily on sale) made for some heavy bags, but I got it all into the house in one trip.
Ron's been gossiping about his book. I'm not really interested but it makes him happy to talk about it. This one is a pretty standard romance novel. "Teen sweethearts grow up".
I dated a couple of guys in High School:
One became a captain (last I heard) in the Air Force
One was homeless for years, and probably addicted.
One schizophrenic burned down his parents' house.
While I certainly wish the first guy well in his career, and pray he is truly happy in love, I don't care to find the others.
The first guy was a sweetie. He sent me a truly lovely secret admirer note "You look at the inside of a person" etc. I never knew who sent it, it took him nearly a year to tell me.
I'm glad we didn't get too involved because I wasn't exactly stable. I knew that. I did "dump" him but in the long run I'm sure he'd feel I did him a favor, especially if "he knew" (I was crazy).
The second guy said all the right things, tried to be very supportive, etc. But he was selfish and immature at a very basic level and I could never take it very far with him.
The third guy, I was manic. I "got" him to dump me by pitching a fit about him smoking. I always felt like I dodged a bullet, really did when I found out he burned his parents' house down. I was in a second floor bedroom and my parents didn't believe in fire escape ladders. They probably worried I would use it to sneak out.
And see who? I just shared my whole love life. Until I met Ron at age 17, that is. I snuck out for him, although I couldn't really see him at night. The bus routes didn't really run late in our neighborhoods.
[snort] We figured it out.
I can't regret my actions back then. I had an untenable home situation that would not improve when I turned 18. I had sabotage issues. My Dad had made it clear I couldn't live with him and see Ron.
I love Ron: I wanted to see him. So, the day after I turned 18 I moved in with him. I didn't give my family any contact information for months, and even after we were on better terms I never let Dad into any of my residences. Not, at least, until we moved to Texas.
In Texas, for a modest amount of money, one can rent a fine apartment with dishwasher, microwave, fireplace, and other nice amenities, for, back then, about $500 a month. That one was all bills paid.
The duplex had 2 bedrooms, but was run by a slumlord leasing company.
Apartment #1 had all bills paid, a nice brick wall in the front room, a ton of swimming pools, and a huge bedroom.
Apartment #2 also had a slumlord leasing company, but I liked living on the 3rd floor (generally).
All apartments had huge, walk-in closets too. Most of the apartments were pretty quiet, if someone got out of line with a crazy party the management would have a talk with them. Generally.
Someone like #6 would have been evicted. I do wonder what he thinks about the neighbors 'They can sleep in, like we do"? "They didn't rake their leaves so it is OK to do this?" I don't know.
Speaking of leaves, whatever's left is going to be coming down off my tree. We have some pretty vigorous dry gusts outside.
I'm not sure when we get the rain but we are being quoted 100% chance for tomorrow. A good day to stay home, dare I say, catch up on my sleep?
I feel pretty good, considering. I just drank the better part of two quarts cranberry juice, after the rest of the fluid I consumed earlier. I have the Azo if I need it, and I can see the doc if I have to.
Ron and I are going out for a fast-food dinner tonight. I pray it remains dry.
Lord, I could really use a good nights sleep. You are doing a great job keeping me going in spite of everything, but I could really use some good sleep at night for a while now. Please continue to protect my siding from next door depradations. This, of course, in addition to all the stuff I usually pray everyday.
Thank you.
I really wish Ron had been wrong: "I think" he said "They're going to have another party". He was right.
They moved the trampoline right outside my bedroom, I heard the kids but I didn't have the soccer ball going into the wall, either.
So, screaming kids right outside the bedroom for 4 hours or so. Adults sitting around, laughing, for another hour. Then loud polka music as everyone left. We called the police on that one.
I pray this is not a pattern of more parties, they had 3 just this month. One may have been the husband/father's birthday party.
We have severe weather inbound tonight/tomorrow so that should help a lot. We are also getting a dramatic cold front. So, if nothing else, I ought to be able to get a nap on Monday.
Today, just like yesterday, I woke up at 6 AM. My body informed me it would not be going back to sleep, and I have that borderline bladder infection thing, it's better but I still wanted cranberry juice and "Pyridium" (name brand for a urinary anesthetic).
I got up, did my God Time, took my shower (not quite as awful today), and we went to Walmart. I found a kiddie cart. I had a fun time pushing Ron around. I got him some batteries and personal supplies, I got myself the aforementioned bladder things, cat food, and some cleaning supplies.
The cranberry juice (happily on sale) made for some heavy bags, but I got it all into the house in one trip.
Ron's been gossiping about his book. I'm not really interested but it makes him happy to talk about it. This one is a pretty standard romance novel. "Teen sweethearts grow up".
I dated a couple of guys in High School:
One became a captain (last I heard) in the Air Force
One was homeless for years, and probably addicted.
One schizophrenic burned down his parents' house.
While I certainly wish the first guy well in his career, and pray he is truly happy in love, I don't care to find the others.
The first guy was a sweetie. He sent me a truly lovely secret admirer note "You look at the inside of a person" etc. I never knew who sent it, it took him nearly a year to tell me.
I'm glad we didn't get too involved because I wasn't exactly stable. I knew that. I did "dump" him but in the long run I'm sure he'd feel I did him a favor, especially if "he knew" (I was crazy).
The second guy said all the right things, tried to be very supportive, etc. But he was selfish and immature at a very basic level and I could never take it very far with him.
The third guy, I was manic. I "got" him to dump me by pitching a fit about him smoking. I always felt like I dodged a bullet, really did when I found out he burned his parents' house down. I was in a second floor bedroom and my parents didn't believe in fire escape ladders. They probably worried I would use it to sneak out.
And see who? I just shared my whole love life. Until I met Ron at age 17, that is. I snuck out for him, although I couldn't really see him at night. The bus routes didn't really run late in our neighborhoods.
[snort] We figured it out.
I can't regret my actions back then. I had an untenable home situation that would not improve when I turned 18. I had sabotage issues. My Dad had made it clear I couldn't live with him and see Ron.
I love Ron: I wanted to see him. So, the day after I turned 18 I moved in with him. I didn't give my family any contact information for months, and even after we were on better terms I never let Dad into any of my residences. Not, at least, until we moved to Texas.
In Texas, for a modest amount of money, one can rent a fine apartment with dishwasher, microwave, fireplace, and other nice amenities, for, back then, about $500 a month. That one was all bills paid.
The duplex had 2 bedrooms, but was run by a slumlord leasing company.
Apartment #1 had all bills paid, a nice brick wall in the front room, a ton of swimming pools, and a huge bedroom.
Apartment #2 also had a slumlord leasing company, but I liked living on the 3rd floor (generally).
All apartments had huge, walk-in closets too. Most of the apartments were pretty quiet, if someone got out of line with a crazy party the management would have a talk with them. Generally.
Someone like #6 would have been evicted. I do wonder what he thinks about the neighbors 'They can sleep in, like we do"? "They didn't rake their leaves so it is OK to do this?" I don't know.
Speaking of leaves, whatever's left is going to be coming down off my tree. We have some pretty vigorous dry gusts outside.
I'm not sure when we get the rain but we are being quoted 100% chance for tomorrow. A good day to stay home, dare I say, catch up on my sleep?
I feel pretty good, considering. I just drank the better part of two quarts cranberry juice, after the rest of the fluid I consumed earlier. I have the Azo if I need it, and I can see the doc if I have to.
Ron and I are going out for a fast-food dinner tonight. I pray it remains dry.
Lord, I could really use a good nights sleep. You are doing a great job keeping me going in spite of everything, but I could really use some good sleep at night for a while now. Please continue to protect my siding from next door depradations. This, of course, in addition to all the stuff I usually pray everyday.
Thank you.
Friday, December 25, 2015
Good Quality of sleep.
I could take a couple different tones. I could take a positive, negative, neutral, Bible-thumping, or frustrated tone.
First, allow me to wish you a Merry Christmas.
God gave me a good quality of sleep last night. I woke up feeling pretty energized, amazing, considering.
They started the party at 8, and it went until 1 AM. The cleanup (complete with Spanish music played at some volume) took another hour. My earplugs muffled most of that.
If we lived in one of the haughty neighborhoods he would be in big trouble, not just for the party, but the conglomeration of pop-up awnings, covered with black plastic sheeting. It looks like a refugee camp. A few residents cover their back patio with tarps in the winter, but nothing like this. It looks terrible. We do have some serious rain forecast Sunday, it will be interesting to see if they withstand "real" weather.
I lay on my fold-out mattress on the computer room floor, very uncomfortable, listening to streaming Christian music on my computer. I hope that doesn't run up the internet bill. I was at least lying down flat and I couldn't hear everything.
I can't sleep in my bedroom during one of their parties, it is way too loud and they occasionally bounce the soccer ball off my bedroom wall. Or bounce themselves.
This time they seemed to keep the ball play to a minimum. Everyone seemed to be hidden in the plastic refugee tents.
Yes, we had some rain forecast, but not a high percentage. It was also pretty warm (nearly 80 degrees today). I don't know why they were hiding but it did seem to contain the mayhem, somewhat.
Ron slept through nearly the whole thing. He said he was awakened by the odd scream but he couldn't hear most of it.
Oh, and halfway through the party, they had church, then went back to the party. I don't think they drank alcohol.
I didn't call the police, even though they ran very late, because they didn't wake Ron. If they had, I would have. Not to mention, they don't care. It's all "Oh, we're so sorry, Officer" and the minute he goes away they're loud again.
A lot of people, apparently, fire off firecrackers at midnight on Christmas Eve. Maybe it's a Mexican thing, or a Texan. It doesn't matter. They watched the show, I could hear them making admiring noises.
I stopped doing fireworks after I saw how much it bothered Bubba, a couple years ago. He was very distressed, so I don't do them anymore. I don't want to upset any creature that much.
Up to that point, Ron and I spent maybe $50 total at the Fourth of July, and New Years.
Sorry, fireworks guys. Family first. I am glad no one directly near us is interested in fireworks. One time #2 (a different family) got very drunk and set off fireworks in the street - some serious ordnance. Ron and I didn't breathe easy until they were done.
It is funny for me to think how badly #6 would do in a rental situation. They would chafe at the rules and restrictions. He is used to having his own little corner of the universe and running it the way he wants, to hell with the neighbors. One or two visits from an irate landlord would set him straight.
Or maybe not.
There are areas of Houston that would fit him well. Sometimes I mutter "Why don't you go live on Airline?" when they are particularly low-class. [shrug] But he wants the nice neighborhood, and the parties.
For now he gets both. Funny thing, I'm sure he thinks he is a really good neighbor, too.
Enough about him. I could tell I was (am) fighting a bladder infection, so I tried to drink as much water as possible. I am really hoping to avoid a doctor visit. I have had about 2 gallons today.
Oh, my menu: homemade zucchini bread from my aunt for breakfast, leftover pizza for lunch, the top of a cream pie (the whipped cream part, not the custard), for dessert. I figure the custard is probably expired, but the whipped cream should be fine.
I'll find out!
Ron ate himself sick on cashews and red wine. Really, it's kind of amazing to think he only had rectal bleeding (which has improved since he drastically reduced his whisky intake). The way he eats you'd expect something worse. And he has a ton of really healthy stuff just waiting in the fridge.
I'm pretty tired (not surprising, but I popped right out of bed at 6:30 AM with no problem), so I plan to go to bed early.
First, allow me to wish you a Merry Christmas.
God gave me a good quality of sleep last night. I woke up feeling pretty energized, amazing, considering.
They started the party at 8, and it went until 1 AM. The cleanup (complete with Spanish music played at some volume) took another hour. My earplugs muffled most of that.
If we lived in one of the haughty neighborhoods he would be in big trouble, not just for the party, but the conglomeration of pop-up awnings, covered with black plastic sheeting. It looks like a refugee camp. A few residents cover their back patio with tarps in the winter, but nothing like this. It looks terrible. We do have some serious rain forecast Sunday, it will be interesting to see if they withstand "real" weather.
I lay on my fold-out mattress on the computer room floor, very uncomfortable, listening to streaming Christian music on my computer. I hope that doesn't run up the internet bill. I was at least lying down flat and I couldn't hear everything.
I can't sleep in my bedroom during one of their parties, it is way too loud and they occasionally bounce the soccer ball off my bedroom wall. Or bounce themselves.
This time they seemed to keep the ball play to a minimum. Everyone seemed to be hidden in the plastic refugee tents.
Yes, we had some rain forecast, but not a high percentage. It was also pretty warm (nearly 80 degrees today). I don't know why they were hiding but it did seem to contain the mayhem, somewhat.
Ron slept through nearly the whole thing. He said he was awakened by the odd scream but he couldn't hear most of it.
Oh, and halfway through the party, they had church, then went back to the party. I don't think they drank alcohol.
I didn't call the police, even though they ran very late, because they didn't wake Ron. If they had, I would have. Not to mention, they don't care. It's all "Oh, we're so sorry, Officer" and the minute he goes away they're loud again.
A lot of people, apparently, fire off firecrackers at midnight on Christmas Eve. Maybe it's a Mexican thing, or a Texan. It doesn't matter. They watched the show, I could hear them making admiring noises.
I stopped doing fireworks after I saw how much it bothered Bubba, a couple years ago. He was very distressed, so I don't do them anymore. I don't want to upset any creature that much.
Up to that point, Ron and I spent maybe $50 total at the Fourth of July, and New Years.
Sorry, fireworks guys. Family first. I am glad no one directly near us is interested in fireworks. One time #2 (a different family) got very drunk and set off fireworks in the street - some serious ordnance. Ron and I didn't breathe easy until they were done.
It is funny for me to think how badly #6 would do in a rental situation. They would chafe at the rules and restrictions. He is used to having his own little corner of the universe and running it the way he wants, to hell with the neighbors. One or two visits from an irate landlord would set him straight.
Or maybe not.
There are areas of Houston that would fit him well. Sometimes I mutter "Why don't you go live on Airline?" when they are particularly low-class. [shrug] But he wants the nice neighborhood, and the parties.
For now he gets both. Funny thing, I'm sure he thinks he is a really good neighbor, too.
Enough about him. I could tell I was (am) fighting a bladder infection, so I tried to drink as much water as possible. I am really hoping to avoid a doctor visit. I have had about 2 gallons today.
Oh, my menu: homemade zucchini bread from my aunt for breakfast, leftover pizza for lunch, the top of a cream pie (the whipped cream part, not the custard), for dessert. I figure the custard is probably expired, but the whipped cream should be fine.
I'll find out!
Ron ate himself sick on cashews and red wine. Really, it's kind of amazing to think he only had rectal bleeding (which has improved since he drastically reduced his whisky intake). The way he eats you'd expect something worse. And he has a ton of really healthy stuff just waiting in the fridge.
I'm pretty tired (not surprising, but I popped right out of bed at 6:30 AM with no problem), so I plan to go to bed early.
Thursday, December 24, 2015
Blown out
So, today I donned one of my new padded bras (sad! That a man nearly 70 years old!), one of my performance t-shirts (generic brand), and jeans, and off to the warehouse.
We didn't know how sales had been. If "we" could drive, "we" would have gone to work first, had a look, and then gone to the warehouse. Non-driving, we had to just go to the warehouse.
Things had been pretty dead so we shopped accordingly. Imagine my surprise when I got back to "Blown out" (stealing the term from the other vendors) vending machines! I was pretty busy stocking there, for a good while.
The bra was pretty "invisible" to me, but I think the band is a little big. I will try on another in the smaller size and see if I like it better. It did the job, that's all that matters, and if the guy was staring again he didn't get to see anything.
I just automatically assume all men are decent; all women are conniving backstabbers. That's been my life experience, to some degree. I do have a few women friends now. That was pretty huge for me.
I was busy stocking and helping Ron. You can imagine my horror when Ron accidentally dumped about a quart of change onto the floor. It was an accident, the door got stuck and when Ron shoved it the coin bucket tipped over. I spent a while picking it up. It's been my experience, the broom and dustpan didn't work, but one of my favorite customers came along and helped us. We gave him a couple free drinks.
I told Ron my theory on what had happened so he can prevent it in the future. I also paid some refunds. I don't know why people lie about when something happened. I know when I had problems. It doesn't matter if it happened a month ago, I will still pay the refund, but they always want to act like it just happened. I don't get that, but I just pay up and say I'm sorry, let them know the problem's been fixed.
I also made a lot of change. When I tried to give Ron the money he told me to keep it. Whoot! $40. I accept.
"Tipping is appreciated".
We went outside and our driver was in the wrong area. I got pretty frustrated and said something I shouldn't have, but only Ron, God, and I heard it. I am sorry and I told God. Ron called and got it sorted out.
I found out she had that dispatcher, the one everyone hates. That made a lot of sense. He is not known for leaping to assist his drivers when they have a question.
We went home and I found the neighbor preparing for his party. Oh. I had really hoped he might not do it this year. He just had that fiasco a couple weeks ago. [groan] I tried to get a nap and did get a little sleep, but not much.
Ron suggested I unfold the pull-out. I did. Torbie is so excited. Like Bubba, she is sleeping in a little nook. I tried to get some sleep but I have the light on. It is hard to get off the floor (the mattress unfolds on the floor), so I need some light.
I just don't see how someone who claims to be born again can have drunken parties. I mean, these people get slobberingly drunk. He has a huge ice chest full of drinks, and I'm sure mostly alcohol. He may also be teaching the kids to drink (by example, and availability).
I know a story of one young teenager who used to drink wine during the parental Christmas party (without parental knowledge or permission). Not me. I have always detested alcohol. But it happens, especially when parents are drunk and inattentive.
The Bible says, don't be drunk. Type "drunk" or "drink" into Bible Gateway and see what you find. 64, and 348 references, respectively. The Bible also talks about drunken parties, in particular. Don't have them. Look up "revelries" in the New King James version.
I wouldn't care if he were unreached; but if you claim to be born again you are held to a higher standard. Your kids banging on my door at 10 PM at night, when all my lights are off, because you lose your ball....pretty unreasonable. No, I didn't open it. I have most of the lights off so hopefully they will assume we are gone, or asleep.
My aunt swears his church is a good one, but I don't see any improvement. He's worse, if anything. Now, you want to see some real Christians? My aunt and uncle. If Ron has a blackout in the middle of the night and is potentially physically abusive, they're my number. They have come right over, 3 times I think, and whisked me off to their house. They were very nice and supportive.
Now, I have to admit, I hate alcohol and don't respect people who use it. My mother was an alcoholic, and damaged me with it. My husband is an alcoholic, and has damaged me with it. The last thing I want are more drunks running around on the periphery of my life.
Anyway, I will endure tonight and get all the sleep I can, in the morning. Bad weather is coming, and cold, too. So next week should be pretty quiet next door (please?) and I should be able to get back to a regular sleep schedule.
Ron's awake now, he had a good long nap. Good.
My bladder's been a little weird so I am drinking a lot of water to stave off any possible problems.
It is funny, I already know all my presents. My friend (a woman, even!) at work gave me a cute outfit. She has a good feel for my style and size. My aunt and uncle gave me some delicious home baked goods and some other items. Mom sent me a Walmart gift card (she couldn't get my performance t's in time). Ron bought me plumbing. Eeek.
Ron got new plumbing (!), sausage balls from my aunt, and some other goodies from Mom. Namely, a flash drive and some kind of nut (he hasn't opened it yet, but I didn't tell him of course). I have been encouraging Ron to back up all his data. We have all the books for the business, going back over a decade, and all Ron's music besides. Quite a bit. He doesn't have any photos of course. :p
Ron did not wreck his back, again, wrestling with the bill changer the other day but he did pull a quadriceps muscle in his leg. Then he did some drunk eating on a large can of cashews, so he's a little queasy.
We're going to get through this. On the plus side, anxiety has been way better. So's the depression. Certain things - like taking a shower, just suck but maybe they do for everyone. It's not the shower enclosure. I have the nicest shower enclosure I have seen. I just hate the act of bathing every day, yet I repeat it every day like some mindless obsession.
I think that's why God lets me have the skin infections. He knows I will shower just to keep those things away.
We didn't know how sales had been. If "we" could drive, "we" would have gone to work first, had a look, and then gone to the warehouse. Non-driving, we had to just go to the warehouse.
Things had been pretty dead so we shopped accordingly. Imagine my surprise when I got back to "Blown out" (stealing the term from the other vendors) vending machines! I was pretty busy stocking there, for a good while.
The bra was pretty "invisible" to me, but I think the band is a little big. I will try on another in the smaller size and see if I like it better. It did the job, that's all that matters, and if the guy was staring again he didn't get to see anything.
I just automatically assume all men are decent; all women are conniving backstabbers. That's been my life experience, to some degree. I do have a few women friends now. That was pretty huge for me.
I was busy stocking and helping Ron. You can imagine my horror when Ron accidentally dumped about a quart of change onto the floor. It was an accident, the door got stuck and when Ron shoved it the coin bucket tipped over. I spent a while picking it up. It's been my experience, the broom and dustpan didn't work, but one of my favorite customers came along and helped us. We gave him a couple free drinks.
I told Ron my theory on what had happened so he can prevent it in the future. I also paid some refunds. I don't know why people lie about when something happened. I know when I had problems. It doesn't matter if it happened a month ago, I will still pay the refund, but they always want to act like it just happened. I don't get that, but I just pay up and say I'm sorry, let them know the problem's been fixed.
I also made a lot of change. When I tried to give Ron the money he told me to keep it. Whoot! $40. I accept.
"Tipping is appreciated".
We went outside and our driver was in the wrong area. I got pretty frustrated and said something I shouldn't have, but only Ron, God, and I heard it. I am sorry and I told God. Ron called and got it sorted out.
I found out she had that dispatcher, the one everyone hates. That made a lot of sense. He is not known for leaping to assist his drivers when they have a question.
We went home and I found the neighbor preparing for his party. Oh. I had really hoped he might not do it this year. He just had that fiasco a couple weeks ago. [groan] I tried to get a nap and did get a little sleep, but not much.
Ron suggested I unfold the pull-out. I did. Torbie is so excited. Like Bubba, she is sleeping in a little nook. I tried to get some sleep but I have the light on. It is hard to get off the floor (the mattress unfolds on the floor), so I need some light.
I just don't see how someone who claims to be born again can have drunken parties. I mean, these people get slobberingly drunk. He has a huge ice chest full of drinks, and I'm sure mostly alcohol. He may also be teaching the kids to drink (by example, and availability).
I know a story of one young teenager who used to drink wine during the parental Christmas party (without parental knowledge or permission). Not me. I have always detested alcohol. But it happens, especially when parents are drunk and inattentive.
The Bible says, don't be drunk. Type "drunk" or "drink" into Bible Gateway and see what you find. 64, and 348 references, respectively. The Bible also talks about drunken parties, in particular. Don't have them. Look up "revelries" in the New King James version.
I wouldn't care if he were unreached; but if you claim to be born again you are held to a higher standard. Your kids banging on my door at 10 PM at night, when all my lights are off, because you lose your ball....pretty unreasonable. No, I didn't open it. I have most of the lights off so hopefully they will assume we are gone, or asleep.
My aunt swears his church is a good one, but I don't see any improvement. He's worse, if anything. Now, you want to see some real Christians? My aunt and uncle. If Ron has a blackout in the middle of the night and is potentially physically abusive, they're my number. They have come right over, 3 times I think, and whisked me off to their house. They were very nice and supportive.
Now, I have to admit, I hate alcohol and don't respect people who use it. My mother was an alcoholic, and damaged me with it. My husband is an alcoholic, and has damaged me with it. The last thing I want are more drunks running around on the periphery of my life.
Anyway, I will endure tonight and get all the sleep I can, in the morning. Bad weather is coming, and cold, too. So next week should be pretty quiet next door (please?) and I should be able to get back to a regular sleep schedule.
Ron's awake now, he had a good long nap. Good.
My bladder's been a little weird so I am drinking a lot of water to stave off any possible problems.
It is funny, I already know all my presents. My friend (a woman, even!) at work gave me a cute outfit. She has a good feel for my style and size. My aunt and uncle gave me some delicious home baked goods and some other items. Mom sent me a Walmart gift card (she couldn't get my performance t's in time). Ron bought me plumbing. Eeek.
Ron got new plumbing (!), sausage balls from my aunt, and some other goodies from Mom. Namely, a flash drive and some kind of nut (he hasn't opened it yet, but I didn't tell him of course). I have been encouraging Ron to back up all his data. We have all the books for the business, going back over a decade, and all Ron's music besides. Quite a bit. He doesn't have any photos of course. :p
Ron did not wreck his back, again, wrestling with the bill changer the other day but he did pull a quadriceps muscle in his leg. Then he did some drunk eating on a large can of cashews, so he's a little queasy.
We're going to get through this. On the plus side, anxiety has been way better. So's the depression. Certain things - like taking a shower, just suck but maybe they do for everyone. It's not the shower enclosure. I have the nicest shower enclosure I have seen. I just hate the act of bathing every day, yet I repeat it every day like some mindless obsession.
I think that's why God lets me have the skin infections. He knows I will shower just to keep those things away.
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Apple cart
Gotta love the insurance company:
"
"
Hello Heather,
Thank you for providing proof of fascia repaired. The non-renewal has been removed. The policy is active.
We do notice that window appears to be damaged. Please confirm it’s not damaged. "
[quiet scream]
So, I did. Hm. Now everything's blue. Oh, well.
I slept OK, woke up, shower and God time, off to see Doc. We agreed that, in spite of everything, none of the events of the last 3 months had upset the apple cart, and that was a very good thing.
Hey, I fixed it. Then we met my aunt and uncle for lunch.
I had woken with a nasty headache, which finally abated a little before I saw Doc, but I didn't get my appetite back until we were actually at the restaurant.
Feeling slightly daring, no doubt from my profligate use of caffeinated headache pills (usage approved by Doc), I ordered the chicken strips. Normally, chicken strips plus my medication equal misery.
However, I was OK, probably because I had French fries in addition to the strips. I gave Ron the corn on the cob. My aunt and uncle had lunch specials, and so did Ron.
We exchanged gifts, and she gave us a ride home, which we really appreciated. I will always accept a ride home (if I know you!).
We got home, the neighbors were gone, and I got a short nap. I was pretty happy about that, as my meds had hit me pretty hard today (no doubt also related to those over the counter headache pills).
Ron wanted a new belt. He wanted to go to Walmart and get one.
We are doing a supply run tomorrow, and I don't want that guy staring at my chest again. I wanted at least one, padded, bra, something I could actually move 40 cases of bottled drinks, while wearing.
Ron called him (!) and we went. I left the guys in the men's department while I looked at bras. I hated looking in a rush, but I didn't want to go in just my plain bra tomorrow. I found two likely candidates. I have worn one before and it was very nice. I actually had it in my hospital bag (but the size is wrong now).
The other one is Fruit of the Loom. I have had good success with their products so I felt OK. It appeared, at checkout, to be sized too large but when I tried it on at home it fit fine. It's, they're, in the washer now. The other one was a little smaller than I wear but my band size has been a little loose, so I felt OK doing that.
And, I was right. I got one in purple and one in pink.
Now, if you asked me my favorite color I would have a hard time telling you. I like a lot of colors. I am not, as a rule, fond of pastels but I do like a little soft pink now and then. I'm not a big fan of neons, either, unlike my teens. I live in an orange house and sleep in a curry painted bedroom.
I never painted any other rooms of the house, though, although I have a lot of turquoise in the front room, and fall colors here in the computer room/study. As I said, I like color.
You can assess my mood pretty well by what color I'm wearing, if it's black or a neutral I am depressed. Navy, in particular, indicates a pretty bad depression. Brighter colors indicate an average to manic mood state.
Today I am wearing a mauve top with my black jeans. I prefer bootcut, but the classic fit are OK too. I'm not real fond of skinny jeans, being that I am larger and do heavy manual labor. I need comfortable clothes, not necessarily "cute" or "fashionable" ones.
Classic fit or bootcut. I don't like the low rise waist either.
I wear a lot of t-shirts and quarter crew socks. I am usually found in my medium gray work sneakers, steel toe, leather upper, slip resistant. If I'm not in them I am usually in my flip flops.
I have some cheap sneakers I wear for the Bible Handouts. I attend a "casual dress" church, so whatever I wear is OK, but I have some medium-fancy sandals (which I wore today). I don't like to wear them, seeing how I'm married to a blind man and he has a tendency to step on my feet. That's why I wear the steel toes.
Ron ran over my foot once, with his wheelchair, after I had already broken a toe. That pretty much clinched the need for steel toes at work. They are casual enough to wear the rest of the time, too. I got them at Walmart.
We had a pretty easy checkout, considering. The cashier was very sweet.
I bought plenty of Diet Mountain Dew to keep my engine running the next couple days. #6 may "have church" tonight. Secretly, I hope they have church tomorrow night instead of having the drunken party. Maybe that's why they had the party a couple weeks ago. I would rather listen to a sermon.
We'll see. Whatever happens, happens. I just hope it is calm tomorrow.
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