Way too much excitement for one day

 I left the house without my stick so I was rather alarmed when I heard loud and aggressive barking coming from the vacant lot I have to pass to get to the bus stop.  

I worked up my courage and went past anyway.  I was OK.  

My bus was more exciting.  We pulled up to a bus stop.  There was a black man running for the bus with a white man behind him.  

I thought "Oh, how cute, they are late for work". Not quite.  The black man got on the bus and turned around, the white guy, with dead eyes, came after him.  They fought their way down the aisle for a minute as people scrambled to get out of the way.  The black guy reached in his pocket.  The bus driver opened the back door and they both ran.

Some idiot stood in the doorway rubbernecking so the driver couldn't shut the door for a minute, we left.  A few minutes later I heard an ambulance headed that way.

The guy across the aisle was lamenting the state of society.  He was a veteran.  I told him the Bible said it would get like this and quoted Matthew 24. "Due to the wickedness of man, the love of most will grow cold ". He said "That's right!"

Being me, I said "I'd love to give you this" and handed him a New Testament in a bag of candy, which he took and put in his bag.

Now I'm at work wondering what else it holds.  That's it for now. 

On lunch

 I am starting to see some of the problems talking about a Handout.  

I had mentioned it in passing to a work friend before I decided to shut up.  She texted me today asking how it went.  I told her I handed out around 65 and had lunch at a taco truck.  

She made a comment about "the sinners" and it made me realize many may think I go out in judgement.  I don't, like Paul said I am the #1 sinner.

I see myself more like a firefighter in a burning building trying to pull people out.  Nothing makes me cry these days but I do thinking about someone going to hell.  That's what drives me.

I am tired and considering one of my powdered energy drinks.

That's it for now!  

10% chance of rain, my butt!

 I heard a frenzy of barking several times while getting ready and was a little worried about loose dogs.  I did not encounter any.  

Yesterday I saw a black cat run over by a car it was very sad, and I feel awful for the family.  As I passed the house this morning I whispered a little prayer for it, and saw an identical cat sitting on the porch looking very depressed.  I whispered my condolences as it was 5 am and I didn't want to wake anyone.

I did not wait long at the bus.  I can't say why because someone could get fired but I was 100% safe.  

It was an uneventful ride to work and my drivers were thrilled with the New Testament+ candy in a Ziploc quart bag.  That was fun.  Tomorrow I will write "praying for you daily" on an index card for them as I did not do that this morning.

We have a gas station in our parking lot.  Last week I bought a $1 lotto ticket and that was fun even though I didn't win.  So I went in and had him pick out a $1 quick pick game for me.  He will get half if I win, even if it's only a few dollars.  I have the ticket in my wallet.  

I don't know who is working today I will find out in an hour or so.  

I brought my lunch.  That's it for now!  

I had a horrible nightmare last night

 Unfortunately I remember it vividly.  On the one hand I expect this sort of thing after a Handout - there is a definite link.  Even my devotionals talk about the devil attacking after a high point in your spiritual life.  

As a rule I don't keep track of how long or how many Bibles.  I can tell you I did about 60 in about a 2 hour period but I don't know for sure and I like it like that.  I have found pride is a big issue if I have precise data.  And pride renders me useless.  

So that's it for that; I will bring some candy and booklets today as I ride many buses but that's it.  I still have a decent amount of candy; I am not doing chocolate right now as it's a little warm (upper 60's) for that.  I don't want a mess on my hands.  

Speaking of messes I am going to take my shower.  

Since I am in lean and mean finance mode I am bringing my lunch all week.  I also got some drink mix packets so I won't be drinking (gasp) my beloved Diet Dew.  

I have to go; more later.  

Handout Update

 There is a definite correlation at work with even MENTIONING evangelism and blowback from the bosses; and they follow me on FB so no update there.  

I was actually pretty depressed this morning thinking about the logistics of taking the cart to the bus stop, church, back to bus stop, doing the Handout, going to the grocery store after, and then home.  I also tend to catch a lot of flack one way or another in my personal life after doing a Handout.  No lie I am not looking forward to that.  

But yesterday I did up 50 "Invitation" New Testaments with tracts and a personal note for each, written on an index card in fun inks, saying I would be praying for them daily.  I think the personal note is very important because sometimes it's the old "Stick the hand out the window, how many, put the Bibles in their hand, light changes before I can say anything and they zip off into eternity" thing which actually happened several times today.  

I find it hysterical when someone drives right up with the window down and sticks out a hand.  I ask "How many?" and serve them, then they zip off as I try to shout I'll be praying, after them.  

So I had the English all done up and boxed in my cart.  I went in my Spanish box and realized I only had 8 or so but I brought them (and handed them all out!).  I had the big sign and the little sign which I set up on my cart facing the opposite direction.  I call it "Ron" "You can be Ron today" because Ron used to do that when he'd come with, face the "other" way and wave the little sign.  

I wore my church dress because I was going to church.  It is a knee length long sleeved looser fitting black dress.  I wore it over black leggings for modesty and also because it was windy and chilly to start - stayed windy all day though.  

I wore my black work sneakers.  

I got to the bus stop OK and got to church, parked my cart where they told me I could and went to the service.  After the service I left and went to the bus stop.  The bus came pretty quick.  

I was a little uncertain of my stop because I never go to De Soto (and Antoine) from the south, where my church is located.  But I found the stop (the storage place makes a great landmark) and pulled the bell.  

I felt like I "should" work my usual spot on the north side of the intersection.  Here's a good article about the general tone of the neighborhood; it's old but still valid.  

Houston Chronicle link on De Soto and Antoine

But I wanted to work the south side for a bit, did that, not a speck of interest.  I went over to the north side, under the big oak tree, and tremendous interest.  It was pretty slow the first hour or so I would hand out a single here and there but enough to keep me working.  

The gang that hangs out in front of 6002 Antoine was there as always; I pretended not to see them and they pretended not to see me.  I didn't see any of the hookers from years past I guess the police did crack down on that.  

I was comfortable, I was standing on the ground, not concrete, and I was partially shaded by the oak tree.  I could move in and out of the shade as I wished.  

I had several cars just drive up and stick out a hand like I mentioned that was fun.  I also had several older "Church lady" types dressed up, wanting Bibles.  I had one lady crossing the street with her daughter, looked at me with extreme distaste, said she already had a Bible.  I have no problem giving someone another Bible.  

No one laughed at me this time (grin) and only one lady tried to give me money.  I told her to buy a Walmart employee a candy bar and she said she would.  

I had a group of people at the southbound bus stop watching me as they waited.  One of them waved me over, I gave her a Bible.  The other people looked at it and individually decided they all wanted one, too, so I kept running back and forth every time they called!  I did about 5 that way.  It was pretty funny, they kept yelling!   

It took me a while to find my favorite translation. Maybe the version they have isn't working for them.  I had a Metrolift (Paratransit) van driver ask me for King James she was thrilled I had it.  I don't know what she thought I was handing out but I get consistent interest in "Old" King James to keep it as a tool in my bag every time I do a Handout.  I also had a more modern translation and I was letting people choose.  

And yes, I make an absolute ASS out of myself on a handout with my big loud sign, my neon orange "garment of praise" safety t shirt, my antics waving at the drivers, but it is worth it to me if someone gets snatched out of hell.  

I had some young black guys walk up asking for Bibles and I was happy to give them.  I had an older man, some sort of immigrant but I couldn't tell what country, ask for a few.    He hastened to assure me HE was a believer but he knew people who weren't.  I squeezed his hand when I told him I'd be praying.  

I had several harried young moms wanted several Bibles each so EVERYONE in the family had their own Bible, I thought that was really cute and sweet, and obliged happily.  One little girl was whining or a Bible.  I thought it was great - get her while she is still open to God, before society tells her He's dead or worse, a sadist.  

I was out there for about 2 hours and felt totally safe.  I was wary and alert of the gang but they didn't bother me.  I don't think they would unless I was obviously selling drugs or taking pictures.  I have been there, off and on, for several years so they know of me if they haven't seen me before.  

I ran out of Bibles about the time I got hungry, so I went to the taco truck.  I had heard very good reviews.  The gang was there (the literal gang) of young men buying takeout but I didn't have any issues.  They got their food and left, I got my food and ate it at the bus stop.  It was very good.  

That's it for now!  

In public, I am toning it down

 Some digging on this one.  

My aunt called and we talked about finances (grim) so I will have to make Some Big Cuts.  I can do that, though.  I have been partial to my work snack but I will adjust.  I can bring something from home.  

She also wanted to know about work which was also anxiety provoking and depressing.  I like to think I do a good job but does the boss think that?  It is hard to say.  

All 3 cats were in the bed so I thought I could have a nice nap with them, only to have them flee like I farted when I laid down with them.  I did rest for about an hour but it's not the same without a cat :(.  

I have also been thinking about pride, stupid mistakes I think I am making, and my faith.  It has been my practice to tell everyone in my circle about the Bible Handouts and share my faith but I am starting to believe that is a mistake.  It seems like every time my faith comes up at work the boss gets very nasty for some period after.  I believe she had a bad experience with hypocrites and when I talk, it comes up.  I don't talk about any of this to her but I believe things are getting BACK to her.  

So I have concluded, after some thought, that I won't be talking about the Bible Handouts at work or sharing any material from now on.  I am also seriously considering not saying anything on Facebook at all, just sending my one sponsor a link to the blog with an after action report.  Because work people are on the Facebook.  

I am not saying I'm persecuted; just that life is a lot harder when I am shining my faith brightly into all the dark corners, and I am worried about losing my job.  I intend to keep up with the candy distribution and the Bible Handouts, praying for everyone daily.  

But I feel, at least online, sharing my faith on Facebook is just beating my head into a wall.  An example: years ago a Postal Worker friended me on Facebook.  Now and then I would put up a post about the Bible Handouts and I would talk about them, at work, to anyone who would listen.  

Some of you are probably rubbing your forehead with a pained expression.  Let's just chalk this up to the brain damage.  

I knew she had an older teen daughter.  One day she approached me and said she and her daughter would like to do a Bible Handout with me.  I did not query her as to salvation status or the motives she had.  She just said "they wanted to help".  

So I arranged a Bible Handout in a better area in the early evening after work.  They didn't listen to things I said about blocking traffic, touching cars, and taking money but we did not get caught.  We handed everything out and they dropped us at home.  

About an hour later Dee gets online talking about how she had "This great experience with her daughter doing a Bible Handout" and what a great college essay it would make.  

I was LIVID.  

She did get into the college of her choice, though.  But, overall, my Facebook experience with my faith has been distressing.  

I did pick up a couple of sponsors and shared some good information with other evangelists but that's about it.  Some people think I put up the reports for an "Atta girl".  I don't, I want people praying for the recipients and I don't feel it's happening.  When I put up a report people, if they say anything, are just saying "Oh Heather you are so great" which feeds the pride but nothing else.  

So I need, I think, to put a cork in it.  One of my devotionals this morning was about letting my words be few which I think applies to this.  

A good example was the other day at work, my "other" boss, the one who asks a million personal questions, was asking me what I had planned for my day off.  I told her I might do a Bible Handout, where, and why.  Her attitude "If people are getting shot there you need to stay away" with a complete lack of understanding why I feel compelled to go to hurting souls currently bound for hell, was distressing.  And I realized no one at work is going to understand this.  I just need to stop talking about it, go out and do it, come home, and say "Oh I finally got around to mopping the floor this weekend".  

I love to share and I am very passionate about my faith but I'm realizing there is literally no place for it at work, and sharing it is harming me.  

It's not as simple as I prayed over my lunch and my boss wrote me up for something small.  It's more ambiguous, but I think I need to do this at least for a while, and basically act more like a persecuted Christian who gets In Big Trouble if they are found out.  

I will of course be me, here.  But that's what I've concluded so far.  

I am a little nervous

 Someone got sick IN the pharmacy.  I hope it is just a pregnancy or food poisoning issue and not something communicable 

My arm was hurting some and I felt rather warm after the vaccines.  I took some Excedrin.  It is wearing off and my arm is starting to hurt again.  Do I want to take more?  I don't know.  I have already had a lot of caffeine.  

I am pretty tired but I will only have an hour when I get back.  Then 2 days off and hopefully primary boss off Monday.  We will see.  

That's it for now