I've become someone I don't recognize

 Street evangelism 

Spicy and ethnic food (I own a wok).  

Owning my mistakes.  

Standing up for myself - no one in my life really ever did that.  

Saturday morning

 Today found me getting sick, by myself praise God, at the bus stop.  I am definitely empty now and I didn't have trouble coming in to work.  

Last night I had some trouble once I got off the last bus.  Long story short a man was hiding until I passed, came out and was following me.  God alerted me to this so I stopped walking, turned around, and confronted him.  I kept telling him to WALK AWAY.  He did, eventually, because I was clear the next stop was a call to 911.  

I told him "You don't live here (the neighborhood)".  He agreed.  He also never once mentioned "trying to go home" or anything like that.  

And let's not forget he was *hiding in the woods at midnight*.  Innocent men don't do that.  He was whining a lot and "swore on my son's life" several times which I also found a red flag.  

He did not get off the bus and he wasn't visible when I looked around after I got off.

If I really felt he was ok I would have suggested he walk home *ahead* of me but he was a walking red flag.  He wasn't happy about it but he walked off.  He kept looking over his shoulder at me to see if I was still watching.  I did watch for a good 10 minutes before I continued home, and only then stopping and looking all around me every minute or so.

And obviously I'm OK.  Except for the nausea and the fact I got 3 hours of sleep, but I did hand out 5 Gospel packets on the way in today. 

Nausea cycles

 Taking my best friend, the third element, has saved my life.  No one I know day to day knows about my problem and that's how I want it.  

It does come with a price tag.  I can honestly say I don't think it caused weight gain.  I own that, it's 100% my choices.  The nausea can.be pretty severe but it comes and goes.  And it has come even in spite of careful food choices.  

Oh it is not pleasant.  

I am so tired

 I was unhappy to realize I work Friday night and Saturday morning.  Not an overnight, I actually work the night, go home, turn around and work the next day.  

They hired more people for my department so we'll see how that works.  The customers, some of them, have been pretty rough.  Personally I think body cameras are a great idea and would protect us.  I also venture the customers would be less abusive.  

I had one lady tonight who basically told me she could treat me like crap as long as she wanted because she was "going to spend some money tonight".  Based on what I saw in the cart maybe $50.  

I'm going to bed!  

"We don't want you to embarrass us"

 Ron's family was very proud.  They also had a tradition, I think, like many poor Catholic families, of a lavish formal wedding.  

When Ron's nephew got married it was a very big deal.  And the women in the family were quite concerned Ron and I would "embarrass the family" at the wedding, with our attire, so they wanted to play fashion police 

Ron and I got him a nice, basic, black suit for about $100 from "Suits U" 😜.  His brother picked out the accessories in a separate shopping trip, and even he couldn't fault my taste in what I selected for Ron.  

The ladies, my two sisters in law, who earned themselves a permanent spot on the prayer list, decided to take me shopping.  Now, in their defense I was one of those women who thought I could fit in smaller clothes than I could.  I think they were worried about it.  

I ended up spending way more than I wanted at some boutique for a long, formal gown in plum with lace accents.  We did butt heads over shoes and I ended up spending $100 on a pair of strappy high heels stuffed in tiny crystals, very pretty but excruciating to wear.  I had wanted some kind of flat.

The punchline: a very formal wedding in a Catholic cathedral.  Ron's brother showed up in a three piece white "pimp Daddy" suit that had the bride and groom LIVID.  

So much for the fashion police!  That's one reason I didn't invite him my wedding.  I was afraid he had that thing in storage!  

"Listen to your heart"

 That was the song.  I detest it at a level I cannot convey.  

One time years before Ron died he had been on a steady track of verbal abuse, drinking heavily, using pornography (don't ask), keeping me up all night and then forcing me to go to work...let me tell you, I earned this house ..

Anyway the other vendor would go to work, and sit in a chair in his stockroom.  He played a radio that was tuned to a pop/top 40 station.  

One day I came dragging in wondering how much more I could take and mentally railing at God - I was *upset* - no doubt about it - and the radio started playing that song.  I wanted to throw the radio out the door. 

I didn't.  I played the game.  But every time I hear the song, it comes back. 

I am getting a lot done today.  The boss is happy she is leaving me alone.  

Pretty queasy today

 No appetite either so I'm not eating.  I am doing ok with hydration drinks.  

I was thinking about something when I was sick, how, sometimes when I had a migraine, Ron would hold my hair up for me when I got sick, and blow on the back of my neck.  

He didn't do it often, and he couldn't after the accident.  But I was thinking about it.

It wasn't all bad; a lot of it was utterly hideous but not all.  

I got my fix!

 When I'm sick I crave peppermints desperately, and of course I didn't have any this weekend.  I got a delivery with some extras I am going to keep on my bedside table.

I am working my way through a bag of the soft ($$) mints and they are so refreshing.  

Still fighting

 I made a Walmart order.  It is very hard meal planning with a migraine.  I am watching a little TV and all the food commercials are nauseating at best.

So I got the fixings for protein shakes, candy to hand out, cat food (not that I've seen anyone), and some of those frozen burritos that always stick to the plate when I warm them.  I figured that might be nice after work.  

I work 6 days in a row starting tomorrow.  I'm still sick but improving enough I can work tomorrow.

Why I had to be sick I don't know.  I could have done meal prep, cleaning.  But maybe there's a virus out there or I would have been run over.  I don't know.  

The sad thing about a migraine I don't really sleep 

  So I can't say I'm well rested!  

But God knows why this had to happen, that's good enough for me.  

Well I ate a few pretzels

 I like the stick kind with lots of salt.  I ate about a half dozen we'll see how they settle.

Taking lithium I am at a pretty high risk of hyponatremia (low blood sodium), so it is very important for me to have a lot of salt in my diet, and to get ample salt and rehydration drinks when I'm losing fluids.

I'm feeling better.  Not 100%.  

I made a Walmart delivery order for this evening, including more hydration drinks. 

Yesterday was not fun

 Friday night leaving work I got a migraine.  I tried the CBD but it didn't help.  And coughing up smoke with a migraine is no treat.  Then the vomiting.  It's been a bad one.

Friday night.  Yesterday.  Last night.  This morning.  

I have reached a couple of conclusions.  Maybe I need to cut back on the wheat.  I also plan to stay away from the CBD.  

I just hope I can work tomorrow!  

I am urinating ample amounts so I'm not dehydrated.  

I have also seen some amazing outreach and this keeps me humble.  I told God I am ok with this if I get to stay in the game.  

Yesterday was fun

 I gave a police officer some (special for law enforcement) tracts and a New Testament, handed out a couple more Spanish things at a restaurant, and got 2 drivers on the way home.

This morning I was thinking about computers, mine is dead, Spotty fried it.  I remembered a time back in the early 2000's.  Ron's brother and sister in law were high living luxury types.  They remodeled their house and turned one of 3 bedrooms into a walk in closet.

We went to visit one time and they wanted to show us their computer.  Ron had told his brother we had built our own.  So they bring us in the room and tell us how great it is, top of the line, bought it from her boss.  And it wouldn't boot.  

I told Ron, "You'd better open it up, I don't think it has a hard drive.". Ron was aghast and kept saying that can't be it while the inlaws are saying it worked when we paid for it, and implied Ron "broke" it by pressing the power button.  

Eventually they opened it.  It didn't have a hard drive; the seller took it out before he gave it to them.  Ron had the very ineviable task if explaining they had been ripped off and paid hundreds for "an empty box with no brain". 

They kept saying Ron broke it and eventually she called her boss, who smugly told her she bought "a computer" not the hard drive.  They were livid.  Ron said he could fix it if they gave us the box and bought him a hard drive to install.  They did that.  

I also talked Ron into buying "Go Back" software because I knew they didn't know how to operate computers and would make a lot of mistakes.  

And then Ron got hurt.  Part of the fallout Ron's family disowned him because I refused to put him in a nursing home and the hospital social worker said he would need a lot of ongoing help for the rest of his life.  

His Dad came to visit every day for a month or so until the other kids made him stop.  One of his last visits he said (brother) wanted his computer back.  I was livid.  I wanted to uninstall everything, take the hard drive out, and give it back.  

But Ron was a better Christian.  He prevailed, so they got a completely functional computer with working "Go back" software so they could undo any boo-boos.  That was the last contact we had with Ron's family.

Just thinking about that today as I look at my poor dead Chromebook.  I will likely get myself a reconditioned one.  

It doesn't have to be face to face evangelism

I think the title says it all.  I'm an extrovert, I will walk up to anyone.  Not everyone is, that's fine.  God made us all different.  

But there are some fun things you can do for evangelism:  

1.  If you hand out candy for Halloween get children's tracts or "The Way to God" booklet from World Missionary Press (free for the asking).  Put the candy in a sandwich ziplock with the tract or booklet.  You want a zip top bag.  I have done that for almost 20 years and I have never had an issue with a recipient objecting to Jesus.  I would suggest a generous amount of good candy.  

2.  The current mailman doesn't want it, but you can put treats (peanut butter crackers, things that won't melt in the heat, granola bars, a bottle of water, etc) in the mailbox.  I was doing bags of heat safe candy.  The current guy doesn't want it.  So I respect that.  

3.  I have a chair by my front door, with bags of done up candy with tracts, New Testaments in bags of candy, etc., various languages (thanks to World Missionary Press again) in a box labeled "Thank you!  Help Yourself!" The UPS guy took a bag of candy last week, someone took a New Testament one night.  Good!  Very easy and no face to face contact.  

4.  If you use a manned checkout at the grocery store, ask the cashier their favorite candy bar, buy it, and give it to them.  And/or buy a cold bottle of water and do that.  

5.  You can always fund awesome ministries like World Missionary Press, Samaritian's Purse, etc.  Just be careful it does have a Biblical ministry, a lot have gone off track.  

6.  Vital, vital, vital!  Prayer for evangelists, their recipients, the people who produce and ship the Gospel material.  

He is mine now

 I was late leaving the house because I forgot my wallet and had to go back.  

I had also taken my time doing up candy with a lot of New Testaments, I found a few at home.  So I had nice bags of candy with a New Testament, Scripture booklet, handwritten note.  I had the first delivery in a plastic grocery bag with a frozen water.  

When he had come to a stop, put it in park, the others got off, I walked past him, handed him the bag, and said "Snack time!".  He put his hand under it and felt the frozen water and said "Ooh!  Thank you!" (Bus drivers are crazy for a frozen bottle of water).  And he took it!  

That makes him a recipient.  

Wednesday morning

 Keyboard is a little better today.  I do know someone who would clean it for me (take it apart and) if needed.  

I slept pretty well for me but woke up with a headache, going to take a hot shower and do my God Time.  Spotty won't sleep with me but he wants to get in my lap when I'm on the computer?  

I haven't seen Cleo much, lately.  When I do see her she's pretty skittish.  

That's it for now.  

sticky keyboard

OH boy 

Some of my keys are sticking.  

IIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLL

RRRRRRRRR

Some red flags and a little of what I experienced

I didn't know.  When I was a teenager they never talked about about domestic violence, and different forms of abuse.  

What the abuser does, is test you when they first meet you, can they turn a no into a yes?  That means they don't have to respect your wishes.  It can be very subtle (See Gavin De Becker's "The Gift of Fear" for more).  

Ron also tested me with stories of his past.  He drank to blackouts, in the past.  How did I react?  He hit a woman once during a blackout (but it wasn't really him, he would never do that sober).  

No one ever said "If they'll hit a woman drunk he'll do it sober".  He ex had left him, as she was leaving he "helped carry down her boom box" after shorting it out so it wouldn't work.  His ex then got a restraining order as he kept calling "So I could understand".  She "tricked the judge into believing I was beating her"  His take?  "She would attack me and I would defend myself".  Knowing Ron he probably made very provoking comments.  "Even my doctor said I was beating her up"   After he moved on "I dated a lot, and borrowed $1,000 from one of them, but I couldn't pay her back so she took me to court".  

So many red flags, even more I won't mention.  He kept saying it was "all in the past and he didn't drink anymore".  

You can imagine my horror when, my miniscule savings account in hand, I moved in with him and one of his first shopping trips was Liquor Barn.  He had his first blackout about 6 months later.  It never got better from that point.  

Anyway, there are different types of abuse, not just striking someone.  I'll get into what I experienced.  

Physical: for some reason, on several occasions he bit me on my arms, and one occasion my legs (this was not romantic in any way).  He also liked choking me.  He slapped me several times.  On one occasion, I slapped him back.  

Financial: He discouraged me from getting any training/schooling for a very long time (until he met a woman from work who later dumped him after seeing his true colors) so I couldn't make much money.  I had an interview call me with a job offer Ron never told me about.  When I went to work for him, he controlled ALL the money and paid me a small allowance.  I did not give him access to what I did have, and did my best to have a small "escape fund" if needed.  My problem ,working for him I didn't have a fresh, reliable, work history.  No one in the Blind Vendor Program would have had my back if I left him.  

Legal: I was told Ron would be terminated from the program if I ever pressed domestic violence charges on him, this while I was walking around black and blue from one of his attacks.  I would have lost my job , my home, my cats if I'd sought justice.  His consultant knew what was going on, didn't care as long as the building host was happy and didn't call headquarters.  

Communication: He did not want me to get a cell phone.  When I did he demanded the passcode so he could "check your voicemail now and then you know you are terrible at that".  He would "forget" to pay the bill and get it cut off until I put it in my own name.  

Transportation: He encouraged my anxiety issues about riding the bus and controlled my transportation.  I only went where he wanted me to go.  

He did not want me online but had to way to prevent that, as I needed to file "the monthly report" online, and the sales tax, in addition to doing some ordering and email.  

He once told me "I know I'll get into big trouble if I ever get online so please be my gatekeeper" and I did that.  His computer did not get online.  So I had this outlet.  

When he found out I was attending Al Anon he got very upset, tried the pitiful thing "I'm not that bad am I? "  The other women were talking about the guy just drinking a lot with no abuse, and they all left the guys and took him to the cleaner during the divorce.  Ron would have been very upset to hear that.  

After we had been living together for a while I asked about getting married.  He said marriage was a weapon that women used on men to "hurt them when they screwed up".  I should have run like hell!   Basically that if we lived together he could throw me out in the street with no repercussions but if we were married I had "rights".  But he usually said he would lose money on his disability check even after the business was making money.  

So, a lot of red flags, looking back.  But I was a kid, I had brain damage, I was a romantic.  I had no idea what I was in for.  

Spiritual abuse: he would mock my faith relentlessly, and then say things like "But don't lose your faith or I'll get in trouble with God".  If he found out I was praying or doing Bible study he would do these long rants/diatriabes about God being "unfair' basically.  

He also made it a point to isolate me from people who cared about me.  

That's it for now!  

Some thoughts on music

 It is very unfair of me, but I have a great hatred of country music.  Ron listened to it a lot, he would drink and act terrible.  

In the late 90's housing was at a premium in Silicon Valley.  I wanted to leave Ron, and found a roommate matching service run free by the County, applied.  I was making about $1.500 a month.  They found two matches for me, a room in a houseful of pagans "We do rituals here, is that a problem?"  and sharing a one bedroom apartment with a couple, their toddler, and their baby.  

So I (mentally) went back to Ron, who had decided he was going on an open marriage kick.  "If you don't like it" he said smugly "You can leave".  He knew I couldn't.  

I knew my parents did not want me back.  

As I saw it, I had no choice.  I told him I was not OK with him cheating, if he did I didn't want to hear about it.  And he cheated, a lot (he had already cheated on me 2 times before).  

Side note, after he followed me to Houston I told him I would only stay with him if he was monogamous, he swore he would but he cheated 2 more times that I know of.  

Anyway, after we got married he would get drunk, draw himself a bath (he only liked the water up about 1/3 or so) sit in it shouting all his indescretions at me.  Listening to country music.  

He would also listen to country music when he was being hateful, etc.  Basically every time he attacked me verbally and/or physically what was he playing in the background?  It wasn't Journey!  

I volunteered to work on a holiday eve recently, the day before Mother's Day.  And they had a "Country Music takeover" on the overhead radio system I had to listen to it my entire 9 hour shift.  The job itself was stressful but I found that worse.  I had actually volunteered to work that day, I wouldn't have been so eager if I knew.  

There's a song they play on the overhead.  I have been listening to "my" style music as I've been typing but it escapes me.  But I hate that song so much when it comes on.  

I want to work in a place with music but sometimes I don't.  

With my job I cannot wear earbudds.  

No thank you, I am not interested

 I have forgiven a lot, but I have never been able (and, yes, I know I need to) forgive: my sister told me our mother died unsaved and let me believe that for years.  Do you know what that did to me?  An EVANGELIST?!!

Years later she disclosed Mom had been saved, a few weeks prior to her death,"but it didn't count as it wasn't (my cult.)"

I was livid.  I said nothing.  Her husband is a very nice guy, utterly devoted to her.  She was working as an office assistant with a psychiatrists office.  She took her husband to an office party and her boss told her "It's so cool you married a guy with autism.". 

She was very upset "I thought I could FIX him" (rule #1 in any relationship what you see is what you get), realized "This is it" and left him, filed for divorce.  

I know no one would have made the choice I did, to stay with Ron.  But he always did better when I was around.  I just can't fathom that.  

I don't talk about this but I was unmedicated bipolar for 14 years with Ron.  He stayed.

My primary abuser growing up destroyed every photo my parents had of me.  My Dad had a very hard time with that.  I told my sister this.  She promised, for a good 20 years, to send her copies.  She did not, until a couple of months ago.  I didn't respond.  

She sent me a text message, some pretext about a family tree.  I am not interested in being on it.  Frankly our niece has a serious drug problem. I don't want her getting my personal information.  No.  

She said, once, it was "Her biggest dream" to get me in her cult (local church movement).  She also said she wanted me to move in with her (she is a very severe hoarder) and be her full time caregiver.  

That's not going to happen, either one.  God has taken care of me.  

Leadership, you have it or you don't

 I am not a leader.  I'm more of an independent but I take direction very well.  My boss used to apologize for asking me to do "off book" things (not in my job description).  She was actually a little defensive.  But I keep telling them (Team Leads) if it's in the 10 Commandments I'll do it.  I have done just about everything including unloading a pallet of dairy freight in the cooler (it was great as I was having a hot flash).  

But you can tell me what you want, stick me in a corner and leave me.  That's what I mean.  I'll do it.  And if I finish early I'll do some other things you mentioned.  

Now at the Post Office they had a union.  An example, Ron spilled a gallon of mustard when we had the deli, he knocked it off the hand cart and it ruptured.  Ron didn't know, he stepped in it, walked around, "tried' to clean it up before he started yelling for me.  There was a custodian standing there the whole time.  I took a look at it and said, aloud "I need a mop and bucket".  The custodian just shrugged.  

I remembered seeing them in a closet near the front entrance, so I went in the closet (!) got the mop and bucket, filled it with clean water, went back, mopped up the gallon of mustard, dumped out the water, got fresh water, mopped it all clean.  A supervisor walked by and said "Why did you go in the closet?"  

I pointed at the custodian, standing there.  "He wouldn't help, it was a safety hazard".  No, I was told, the safety hazard was me getting the mop and bucket, that *they would always clean up a spill for me* (HA!  Not in twenty years did they lift a finger!)  And they made a call to Ron's supervisor and got me in trouble.  

That's why I don't like unions.  Later on a Postal Worker told me it was basically "job stealing' that only certain people were allowed to do certain jobs, and it someone else did the job even for a minute it was Big Trouble.  

But I just remember the insolent creep standing there in his coveralls watching.  

But I've been working my entire adult life and seen a lot of people.  Ron was a terrible husband and human being but he was an excellent manager, one of the best I've ever seen.  

An example, and I've shared this before.  We had an employee, "Jane".  She was very talkative, I think had ADHD, but she did the work of 4 people and always had a fantastic attitude.  But she liked to wear tight leggings and crop tops.  She'd had 5 children.  Not only that she kept saying it was the same size she wore in high school.  The leggings were pushing the excess to her "muffin top" belly and it was pretty awful.  One of the customers complained to Ron.  

He took Jane off to a quiet corner of the cafeteria, sat down, told her, first thing "You're not in trouble" .  I watched from afar.  Within a minute or two he had her laughing about this.  She nodded several times, he gave her something, they got up, she put my apron over her clothes.  The next day she was wearing something appropriate.  

He had to tell her "The customers say you are so fat you are making them sick". And he got her to laugh about it!  

I asked him what he gave her and he said he gave her $50 to buy some new clothes.  

One of my team leads (not the spicy one) is very good at relating to people but has told me more than once "I will throw you under the bus to save my job".  Not what I was looking for!  

But we have an associate.  She generally helps Chief Snitch and is very good spirited about her treatment (poor).  But CS was off on Friday night when we were very short staffed.  She made sure I got my lunch, had everyone managing the details, etc.  She is a natural.  I told (throw you under the bus) my Team Lead and she agreed.  

The team leads are encouraged to cultivate good prospects so I know they'll keep an eye on her.  

The forgiveness list

 I live reading biographies.  You can learn a lot.  I, Tina, was a real eye opener.  I read "Made in America" (Sam Walton's) 20 years before I went to work for his company.

I read a lot of missionary ones, too.  

And one common theme they all have that person they struggled to forgive.  

Which got me thinking about my list.  The other vendors in our facility.  The Blind Vendors program.  The postal workers, the man who ran over Ron.  That's pretty much it.  I'm still working on them.  

Ones I would have thought would be a problem, my birth mother, Ron, the young men who robbed my house, the kid who shot me with the pellet gun, the one who cut off my ponytail (that must have been one HELL of a knife!), the driver who hurt me.  I'm past that I just need to make a concerted effort on the rest.  God will give me what I need.

Some thoughts on fertility treatments and family failures

 There was a bombing of a fertility clinic recently, it was not a religious guy but an atheist type who feels people shouldn't get help getting pregnant.  

Ron once said everyone he knew with fertility issues shouldn't be a parent, I knew a few of those.  I know one lady I worked with was Latina and irate the company did not pay for IVF.  She just set off alarm bells with me, overall.  

Then you have someone like my birth Mom.  She got pregnant at 12, had my brother in the back of a taxi, had my sister at 13.  Remarried a criminal, got pregnant, didn't want the baby and shot herself trying to end both lives (her and the baby).  Mom was always pretty dramatic.  She lived, the baby didn't, she got divorced.  She met my Dad down the line (married 7 times, Dad was #6), married him.  

According to my (unreliable) sister they had trouble conceiving but got pregnant years later, had the baby.  He died a few weeks later.  Mom decided she wanted another baby NOW.  

So they went to some trouble (for the 70's), to bring me into the world.  And she drank very heavily every day of the pregnancy, damaging my brain.  

Which begs the question why get pregnatn if you're going to hurt the baby?!!!

I don't know.  

I do know God has used me tremendously, like this.  I accept my life.  I have said again and again I will do anything, endure anything, for my recipients.  If someone feels God's love because of the life I've lived, the tears I've cried, it's worth it.  Don't forget, if you're reading this you are also a recipient.  

I have a family member who adopted older, special needs, and abused kids.  He has raised about 10.  Most of them are living happy lives.  

I would have loved to adopt some blind children.  It didn't happen.  For one, Ron would have been a very poor father.  I will never speak of some of it - and that's saying a lot, for me.  But he did not have healthy tools for relationships even when he was sober.  

We briefly got some counseling in 2005.  I paid for it.  In addition to not noticing I was bipolar the therapist kept talking to Ron about his own binge drinking.  I got tired of the "I got so wasted and I knew just what I was doing" I felt that was very poor for a guy who had a Divinity Degree and a PhD in counseling.  But he made one point that spooked Ron so bad he never went back.  "You have never grieved going blind".  

I was telling my friends this story last night to flesh Ron out a little, I don't want people to see him as a cookie cutter "bad guy".  He had a lot of pain he tried to hide with alcohol and it wasn't just physical.  Anyway, Ron was born with glaucoma.  One eye was so enlarged at birth they had no baby pictures of him for years, that eye was removed.  Ron used to tell me again and again he had "Nine eye operations".  

One time Ron was due for surgery.  The anesthesiologist came in with the papers.  "What is this?" he demanded, waving the papers I'd filled out.  "He had ether?.  The question had been had Ron ever had a bad reaction to anesthesia and what it was.  

OH, yeah!  Ron replied, I was (very combative) when I woke up.  

When was this?  

Sometime in the 1960's I replied.  

"Well" the doctor said, "We're not giving him either!"

I didn't tell that story to my friends.  

But  I did tell them this: Ron was outside playing with his cousins.  He was almost blind by then, the good eye had been steadily failing.  He had some 1960's style counseling on that.  He had vocational rehab.  His mother was at work, he never talked about his Dad's role in this.  

Anyway he was outside playing and "They turned off the sun" he always said it in such a broken voice.  He would continue (he talked about this a few times).  "They called my mother at work" he'd continue.  "And she told them she wasn't coming, to put me to bed."  I would always tell him how awful that was, I never said this but your kid only goes blind once in his life.  It's not like he skinned his knee.  

I don't know if that was before or after the incident where Ron's brother sold him to the older boy across the street for (it was either a quarter or a nickel).  "It hurt!"  He only told me that once when he was very drunk.  But the pain was real.  

So not in any way father material until he got all that worked out, that and other issues (there was domestic violence also in the house).  

And I didn't get my medication until I was 32.  I couldn't even take care of myself.  

But I always remind myself, and I'd tell any "religious" type this as well, God did not use me for serious ministry until I had my diagnosis and medication.  Once I got on board with that, wham.  

I have people in my life who do not take their medication.  I have at least 2 coworkers who are bipolar, one told me herself (I did not reciprocate).  I have a sibling, the primary abuser.  He does not live my life of temperence, routine, and medication.  

I'm pretty sure I've hit the "use by" date for kids anyway.  Although my body might surprise me one day.  But I have spiritual children.  That's where the love goes.  

Spotty's defiant battle cry.

 

He said it a lot better than I ever could!  

A little more about Chief Snitch

A friend and regular reader (waving) came to Houston last night on other business.  I sent them my schedule and they decided to meet me after work last night.  They came and found me, got a hug, waited elsewhere.  

One thing I warned him, Chief Snitch was in a bad mood.  She has a couple of personality disorders which I have idly diagnosed for fun: Munchausen by Proxy (always a drama if her husband gets a mosquito bite), and Narcissistic personality disorder.  Now, Ron had the latter so I have some experience.  

Basically, butt kissing, letting them know they are invaluable, etc.  If you want to cut them to the bone tell them they don't matter or are unimportant.  I had a line I used on Ron when he was awful "You're not that important" and it would immediately shut down whatever abuse.  I did have to use it a few times.  It didn't honor God, sorry Lord.  

Anyway I know how.  Now she (Chief Snitch) had been out for days because "her husband".  He is a healthy, active, man.  So they were out a whole week because of it.  He was running around the store like nobody's business too.  

So she came in.  Friday night our department was beyond understaffed.  But the few who were working, got it done, even though one of the acting managers pulled rank and pulled me off my job for an hour to do something else.  

Now CS was hoping she'd come in, everyone fall all over her "Oh thank God you'er here, it was so terrible without you!"   Things in chaos, etc.  

Instead she came in, everything looked great, and *spicy boss gave a little speech during the meeting how awesome we (Friday night workers) were, and gave us each a hug in front of the whole team*.  CS was incandescent with rage.  She came after me shouting I was supposed to be off Friday and why did I work?  Things like that.  

She has a thing where she accuses me of "shouting" at her when I'm using the same voice I use with everyone.  She also accused me of "smelling".  I said I took a shower that morning, laughing, said I used soap.  She sniffed again said I smelled "rancid" and was "making her sick".  I shrugged it off.  Spicy boss would have 100% said something especially when she hugged me, the other Team Lead was there and standing right next to me, and I was talking to another associate before work (I gave her those cookies that flipped the allergies for me), she is a big mouth (I love her!) and would have said something for sure.  

I used unscented soap because I am trying to baby my skin after the hives.  My trusty Arm and Hammer Fresh Deodorant.  I told CS, I am using Tiger Balm maybe that is it but she insisted it wasn't.  I dropped it.  

My favorite, though, was when I did my hair for the first time.  

Here is a photo of Spotty.  

I came into work the day after I did my hair and everyone from the vendors to the store manager were gaping at me, jaws on the ground, compliments flying more than I have ever had in my entire life!    It was astounding.  And why I want to do my hair again.  

Anyway, CS walks in, does a double take, and snaps "You look like Spotty!" and stormed off.  

Narcissists don't like it when *anyone* gets attention!  

Working retail teaches me a lot about my Christian walk

 Mainly, that it needs a lot more work.  

And that's it for the night.  

Friday morning

 I tried a small piece of gummy with my lunch at work last night.  It didn't help my arm but I noticed it did help my feet.  Interesting.  It didn't make me groggy or altered either.  

I try to baby my feet.  But, nights like last night, when I only got the lunch, no break, my feet get tired.  

I do find it interesting looking at my feet,  Ron had a gnarly fungus toenail on one toe only.  He never wanted me to put anything on it.  Now I have a funny toenail on each foot, doesn't really look like his but the toenail is thicker and darker.  I'm always taken aback when I look at my feet now.  

During my adult life I only shared a shower with Ron, and some people at the gym many years ago.  I don't think I got it from the gym.  

That's it for now.  

Customers keep asking about my arm

 I didn't mind the one teen, he said he was going to college for sports medicine.  Also, I've had this for two months?  

Part of my night was so awful it's funny but I can't share without exposing my job.  

My ride to work was uneventful.  Both drivers had never had me before; I like that about my schedule.  

My arm is pretty spicy.  I am conducting an experiment and will share more when I get home. 

That's it for now!  

So, I got some gummies

 God has been very merciful and my migraines have gone way down since I got hurt 2 months ago.  I pretty much "just" have arm pain now, which is chronic.  May be for a while.  I accept that because I believe people got saved and I am giving a good witness on forgiving him, moving on, and continuing my ministry.  

But I do get migraines, chronic nasty daily headaches as well, and the arm pain is always there.  Google AI says it's not "Chronic" until I hit 3 months so I won't all it that.  I'll call it "reliable" pain.  

If you were reading 5 years ago you know I went to a local "head shop" and got Ron CBD flowers which he would smoke, I made a tincture, etc.  That provided some relief for him but he didn't like to smoke it because it reminded him of weed and, for some reason, that made him cry.  

I gave it some thought for about a month after I got a flyer for a local dispensary.  The prices seemed very reasonable (unlike the head shop).  I did some research.  It's completely legal in Houston, CBD.  I believe full access to all cannabis products will follow shortly, but I'm not seeking a buzz, rather, pain relief.   From what I read online it could help with aborting a migraine (my main interest).  

I had Tuesday off, a little cash in my pocket.  I went on the bus.  There was a lobby with some samples of "flower" under glass and a locked glass case with some glass pipes in it.  

Side note: when I lived in the SF Bay Area I very commonly saw broken crack pipes all over the place.  It was the worst area I've ever lived.  Also a lot of used condoms and dirty syringes.  I put in 7 years!  And people worry about me in Acres Homes!  

That's a memory I didn't miss.  There was a man in line in front of me, there was a "teller" style window.  When it was my turn she smiled at me and asked what I'd like.  I said "I get migraines, do you have any suggestions?"  She thought about it for a while and said she wasn't sure about smoking during a migraine but she had some gummies.  I got a couple of them in a*&! me up.  Heard and understood!  

I have lighters at home but I guess I need an ash tray.  I put the prerolls in the medicine cabinet.  I got home and asked my friend about it, he said the gummies will "kick your ass" so I needed to cut them up.  I did that, I turned one gummy into 20 smaller gummies, each having an estimated 3 mg active ingredient.  With what I paid that is pennies per use.  

The gummies were rolled in sugar to prevent sticking so I put a little sugar in a snack bag and put the freshly cut, very sticky, gummies in it and rolled them around so they won't stick.  I left that overnight and them put them back in their tiny jar.  

They have CBD and Delta 9.  

Yesterday I had a nasty, persistent headache.  Right before I went to bed (very unusual) it evolved to a stabbing left-temple migraine.  I decided to try a gummy, one of the small ones.  

Now the gummies are flavored.  I got cherry flavor.  But it still tasted like cherry flavored pine-sol.  It has a very strong "herb" taste.  You know exactly what you're getting!  I hear stories of kids eating these gummies and I don't see how as the taste is vile.  

I gacked it down and washed it down with something, and unwrapped a cough drop.  I laid down.  A few minutes later the headache was gone.  

I slept the same as I normally do - I woke up 3 times (for once, I counted).  I did have a good quality of sleep and my arm didn't hurt either.  That is notable.  The arm always hurts at about a level 5 on 1-10.  

God forbid I end up with chronic pain out of this the gummy is a much better alternative than drugs that tear up my stomach and kidneys.  

So I'll probably be getting more.  I'll let you know if and when I smoke one of the pre-rolls.  I think that would work in a situation where I was already vomiting.  God forbid.  

What makes you feel important?

 I like to do ministry, to reach out to someone who's strugging (hardworking average people), to see someone smile when I give them a little gift and a smile of my own.  I like to see the trust and love in my cats when they yell to get in my lap when I'm on the computer.  To see my friends at work light up when they see I'm there.  To seek God's will, to do the hard things like forgiving my in laws and the driver who hurt me, to know I'm walking in His will.  That is very important for me.  I can't stress that enough.  

I always leave the house early but I'm human, sometimes I get out later than I'd like.  And the drivers, if they see me, wait.  They don't have to do that, but they like having me ride.  I get a lot of smiles and my friends were distraught when I got hurt in March.  

Others?  They feel special and valued when they're going off on a retail worker or a bus driver, who they see as sub human.  They get their kicks out of cussing us out and trying to get us fired.  They don't have any other way to find value and meaning in their lives.  I can only imagine the hell of their personal lives if that's how they relate to others.  I need to pray for them, more.  

Recently a customer was watching me for about 15 minutes.  She walked over after I finished helping someone and asked "Do they always speak to you that way?"  And, the answer is, pretty much.  She thought that was awful.  It is.  

But I do ask God to work on my pride, my humility, I don't want to get "puffed up" like Paul said about his problem.  My job, the way I'm treated there, physical problems, all of it work to my dependence and obedience, work on my usefulness to God.  

I want to be useful to God.  I want to bring Him honor and glory.  I don't want to be ashamed of how I'm living my life (I have, in the past).  That makes me feel valuable and important.  

Wednesday morning

 Sometimes in my online and personal life I have to balance what I say.  Jesus said if you get acclaim for your actions on Earth you negate what you get in Heaven.  

But I try to extend love and kindness to pretty much everyone (unless they will see me as a "mark") I meet.  That extends to visitors to my home as well.  When I'm home on Wednesdays I can take a little more care with one project I like.  

I got some cookies last night.  They were individually wrapped 2 packs of strawberry wafer cookies.  I ate a packet - I like to do that before I hand out something new.  Does it taste good?  I only want to hand out good things.  It had the usual "may have been in contact with nuts or nut products which are also worked on our equipment".  Yeah, yeah, I always think, as I scarf it down.  And yes, they were good.  

Then, the hives.  Not as bad as this: 

But pretty bad, my left foot swelled up, very itchy.  Then my right foot.  It is really uncomfortable even today.  I may have to get some hydrocortisone cream tomorrow before work.  

Lesson learned.  I will have to eat "nut safe" snacks now with no warning on the label.  

Cleaning is always difficult for me as a rule, more so with the arm injured.  But I did a nice amount of picking up today.  I don't know about sweeping or mopping.  I also need to do some laundry.  

The cats are good, I got some of this: 

Today and yesterday, below.

Biscuit would be proud of Spotty for stepping up.  That's it for now!  

I don't believe in the "Cat" distribution system

 CDS is a common internet myth, that "the system" "sends" you a cat "When you need it most".  

God sends you the cat.  He has sent me a steady parade of traumatized, starved, cats.  Happy is pretty much the only normal weighted, untraumatized, cat I've ever had.  Everyone else showed up skinny, sick, worms, injuries, abused, etc.  

God knew we needed each other.  I found one cat in a trash can, another one the neighbor moved and left him to starve (Bubba).  Bubba actually brought another cat home, half feral senior white cat.  Once Frosty settled in he realized I was OK and he became a complete lap baby.  

But most of them just showed up, knowing, my guess, my reflex was to pet them, feed them, and give them 'Their best life now".  Cleo took 5 years to get in my lap but she can't get enough now.  

Which leads me to the one that got away.  Cleo and Spotty are brother and sister, he's orange and white, she's a calico with tabby markings in the black spots.  She's very pretty.  They came with their mother, a dilute calico I named Mama Cat.  

Mama Cat was still nursing them, even though they were a good 6 months old.  Normally mother cats wean the kittens around 2 months.  I got her fixed, I got Cleo fixed.  I ran out of money but I got Spotty a few months later.  

Mama cat settled in pretty well and liked to sleep in my bed with the kittens, Torbie, and Biscuit.  Then we had the pipe break, it was an emergency.  

Of course the damned thing broke right before Christmas.  We had to have an emergency cleanup which meant lots of chaos, losing 72 linear feet of dry wall, and a huge collection of very loud machines, drainage hoses everywhere, etc.  It was chaos.  Torbie and Baby Girl moved in Ron's room, the only quiet place in the house, Mama cat fled with the kittens.  Biscuit stayed true to me and continued to sleep on me even in my little camping cot.  

Mama Cat never came back.  She was done with my nonsense and moved in with a neighbor, who later moved and took her with them (I saw the cat carrier in hand the day they left).  Cleo and Spotty stayed for a couple years of hell with declining Ron until he died, then my return to work and 12 hour days 5 days a week.  

But they're OK.  They love me and they, like me, value the time we do have.  And that's nothing but a gift from God.  

The candy box got a lot of attention today!

 One of my friends sent me a package today.  It arrived when I was at the store.  But, never fail, the nice UPS man left it on the porch and helped himself to one of my goodie bags I keep in a box, in a chair, on the porch.  

I had a very difficult time at the grocery store today.  I need help shopping; I hate to admit that but I do.  I really needed help getting home so I called Ace, who came.  He was running a little late but he came; and I've asked God to help me with patience.  

He took everything out of his car and put it on the porch for me, he would have taken it in the house but I was OK getting it in.  He noticed the delivery, put that off to the side to make room for groceries.  He saw the box and made some very favorable comments.  

Now Ace has gotten enough candy bags to fill his car.  I thought it was interesting.  I told him "Everyone who come to my house gets the Gospel!" and he laughed.  

I will be topping it off tomorrow.  

"It's Anointed Candy!"

 I have been very careful what I blog as the pest does read.  

But this is fun, and not shared elsewhere.  So the bus drivers and others call me the Candy Lady.  I wear the title with pride and happy to drag home huge sacks of same.  I carry a sack of "done up" (Scripture booklet, handwritten "praying for you daily" note, candy in a Ziploc) candy everywhere I go.  

So I'm riding home on my last bus.  

Side note, when I began my ministry I got a lot of hassles that I was doing outreach to regular people.  They kept saying I 'needed to focus on the homeless".  I said they had plenty of help, but what about the waitress at the Waffle House?  They didn't have anything for that.  

So I had a bus driver and a custodian recipients on the bus with me, chatting.  The other ladies were discussing weight loss.  One said she cut out sugar.  Then she looked at me and said "But you keep giving me candy!"  

"It's anointed candy!" I replied and we all laughed.  

Monday night video blog

 

I have done a lot of research on the shakes, and if you are recovering from an injury I wholeheartedly suggest you have a protein shake every day; collagen powder, creatine powder, a few tablespoons of coconut milk, whey protein powder, soy or dairy milk.  You can always add cinnamon, instant coffee powder, or fruit if you'd like.  

I saw dramatic improvement when I started doing the shakes.  It's going to be a slower recovery but it's a lot faster than it would have been.  

Monday morning

 Going to work was great, I had some fun drivers who wanted hugs.  

Coming home I had a "boy crazy" driver on my last route so distracted by the man flirting with her she passed up my stop.  I could not get up to the front the way I normally do, to remind them I was getting off.  She was driving pretty reckless and I didn't want a fall.  So I had to get off after my stop and walk back.  I was pretty annoyed, but mainly at Metro for hiring her.  They start at $50K a year with generous benefits, they can do better in the hiring process.  She was very young.  

Mom kept asking if I was scared and I said no, annoyed.  I'm not afraid I'll get hurt in another accident on the bus.  That was a once in a lifetime.  I would worry more about getting hit crossing the street.  

But that's why I've decided to shelve my love life; I'd rather focus on ministry and the whole "Does he like me?" thing takes a lot of time and effort, away from ministry.  If God sends someone He will; but I'm working 12 hour days, some brutal schedules, it isn't fair to a cat much less another human.  

That said, coming home one night about a week ago I ran into Buddy (he wasn't driving my route but he had a layover at my transfer point).  He called me over, we chatted a little, he wanted a hug, I left.  It was nice to see him.  He's doing something different with his appearance and looks great.  

Cleo slept with me last night, that was awesome.  By my head, even, which is my favorite.  

My work bestie is out on a medical leave; she hurt her knee.  She was really struggling so I'm glad she has some time off.  I also think it's going to give management time to appreciate her.  I think they were taking her for granted.  

I love her, so I hope she finds a better job.  She's better than we deserve.  Failing that I hope she does have a full recovery.  

But it's like I told my military vet friend at work; I can work with an injured upper arm, but if it had been a leg or foot problem that would have taken me out.  He agreed.  

The worst part of the weekend they did a "Blake Shelton Radio Takeover" playing country music ALL WEEKEND LONG.  I don't like country music.  I don't like hearing certain songs because Ron used to play them when he'd get drunk.  When he'd get drunk listening to country music he would cry over women he had cheated with, tell me details of the cheating, verbally abuse me, etc.  So I really don't like country music now.  

There's only one in my playlist "All Joy, No Stress" and that has a rapper, Tedashii, in it.  And Ron never heard that.  

It made a bad weekend a lot more difficult; I have customer contact in my job so I can't wear earbuds.  I am currently listening to a heavy metal treatment of the hymn "Just As I Am".  

That's it for now!  

Sampling various pain relief creams.

 I will do one video for each product.  This one does have a smell and a strong warm/tingly sensation after application.  

I needed to wash my hands, after.  It  does have a strong odor.  It did knock the pain down a couple of notches, I'm going to keep using it at home.  

Thoughts on my injury

 I am probably looking at a 3-6 month recovery on my arm, which I find horrifying.  Between us parts of my job were difficult last night.  My boss wasn't pleased when I showed up in an arm sling but I swore to her I would "work my butt off".  

I do know this, it's never going to get better if I keep taxing it.  My aunt is coming tomorrow, likely have other visitors next week, so I've got to pick up the house.  

And I have a couple of issues going; I am big at denial on things.  "It's not that bad" I tell myself.  It took me a good month to realize I had a serious injury.  I've had plenty of bruises in my life and thought that was it; it's not.  Second thing I am very proud and it's hard for me to ask for help, mainly because I got slapped down a lot when I did.  

I don't know if it's tariffs or what but I can no longer find my pain salve at work.  I ordered some other things today and I'll see if they help.  

When I tripped and landed on my hand during the Bible Handout a few years ago it was better in a month or so.  

But yesterday a bus driver told me they were all shown the video of my accident and they all (bus drivers) agreed it was completely the driver's fault and he should have been fired.  I could tell some of them were closing ranks so I'm glad they fixed that; it's my mission field and ministry will be difficult if my recipients see me as a bad guy.  

I talked to my aunt (I don't care if Metro reads this) yesterday.  She said a lawyer might be indicated.  I said I wasn't interested for a couple of reasons.  I also worry a lot about ministry and don't want to do anything to affect that negatively.  If I needed surgery I would probably get a lawyer but the doc said it just needs rest and time.  I don't expect Metro to pay me to sit home until it's better; I would have a horrible depression out of that anyway - I need to work.  And when Ron got hurt the hospital got 50%, the lawyer got 40%, and Ron got 10%, 2 thousand dollars, for a short and miserable life in a wheelchair.  That's not justice.  

I'll share probably my biggest hot button: when someone invalidates my pain.  Remember when that woman from Metro came by my work, tried to get me to do illegal markdowns, tried to get me fired when I said no, and then said "That never happened" when my coworker called Metro "jerks who really screwed Heather over" and related the story of my assault?  I was purple with rage.  

I don't often use bad language but I sure did.  

Now, this time, when I called MPD right after the accident they treated me the same as last year, go to hell, Heather, stop bothering us.  Until I told them to follow the bus then they took it seriously.  I would have only suggested that if his driving was a threat to others.  

The day after?  I called, they transferred me to the same department that takes compliments.  The lady had probably dealt with me before.  She was aghast.  Said "I am so sorry" in a very sincere voice, took my report.  Then I got a text a day later (I guess after they saw the video) saying they were sorry I had been hurt on the bus (not denying it, very important), could I please give them a physical address so they could mail me some forms?  

So I got 2 apologies.  When I saw the street supervisor a few days later he said he knew what had happened - again, not denying it.  That counts a lot for me.  I don't want anyone to come clean my litter box (although I could use the help LOL), but simply validating my experience does a lot.  I'm not vindictive after that.   

Ranks

 I don't believe in painting people with the same brush.  So as I start, I'll say the Houston Processing Center Postal workers did this.  

An off the clock worker ran over Ron; an on the clock Postal truck driver told Ron it was safe to go. 

The plant closed ranks around the two men and embarked on completely vicious personal attacks on both me and Ron.  Mostly against me, as I was asking questions and got Ron a lawyer.  

And let me tell you, settling brought no justice .  Ron got 10%, $2,000, for a short and painful life in a wheelchair.  

My aunt has been doing research and was advised to get me a lawyer in my case.  I'm not inclined to do that.  My previous lawsuit experience was horrible and unjust.  

I also had an interesting talk with a driver, who said they were all shown the video of my accident and unilaterally agreed the guy should have been fired.  That he was.  So, no "ranks", no personal attacks.  Just an increased ministry and an arm that hurts like hell.  

And I was a bigmouth and told everyone how great the equate pain balm was and how it helps, we are "steady" sold out now and I have to get it shipped.  

Activities of daily living

 Mine are still pretty affected, shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry.  Showering and all is OK now, so is brushing my hair but I'm not going to dye it for a while as that's an extended period of time with arms above my head.  Lifting, carrying, reaching, not good right now.  

It's amazing I can do my job.  Riding the bus is still unpleasant as it jars my arm.  

I've had various injuries/illnesses in my life but I could always work through them.  This, however, I think wins the prize for most inconvenient and that includes the time I stepped on a wasp in bare feet and had to walk miles at work the next day.  

THE TV show was right!

 I've never really had one show I followed on TV.  

We usually had a basic cable package so, for a while, I followed ER reruns.  There was one character who lost his arm in an accident, had it reattached, was wearing it in a sling while trying to cook, and set the sling/arm on fire.  

I was planning to wear a sling today as my arm is cranky but kept thinking about the scene.  So I asked the Google AI about it.  

"It is generally not recommended to cook on a gas stove while wearing an arm sling due to potential safety risks, particularly if the sling material is flammable or if the sling interferes with the ability to safely operate the stove. Loose materials on the sling could catch fire near the open flame, and you may have limited mobility and balance, increasing the risk of accidents. 

Why it's not recommended:

• Fire Hazard:

  The sling material could ignite from the gas flame, posing a serious fire risk. 
• Reduced Mobility and Balance:

  An arm sling limits your movement and balance, potentially making it difficult to safely reach stove knobs, handle hot pans, or move around the kitchen. 
• Increased Risk of Accidents:

  The reduced mobility can increase the risk of burns, falls, or other accidents while cooking. 

Alternative approaches:

• Ask for help:

  If possible, have someone else cook for you while you are wearing the sling. 
• Consider alternatives:

  If you must cook, use microwave-safe dishes or pre-packaged meals that require minimal cooking. 
• Use safety precautions:

  If you do cook, be extra cautious, ensure the area is well-ventilated, and use potholders or oven mitts to protect your hands. 
• Utilize assistive devices:

  Consider using tools like pan handle holders or other kitchen gadgets designed to aid in cooking with one hand. "

So I won't be doing that.  

Saturday

 I had a really good opportunity to share my faith at work.  

Now, I can't preach.  That is a big no no.  I can't hand out material or leave Scripture booklets in the break room (much as I'd like!).  

I did a lot of thinking over the last year, since my attack.  One thing I concluded I needed to give more at work.  I was going in and giving them a good day but I felt convicted I could do better, give 110%.  So I've been doing that.  

Also my spicy boss had a very honest talk with me early this year, she basically said she really needs me so she can keep her job.  I respect that.  She made a clear picture.  She sincerely asked for my help.  So that gets way more out of me than the critical tone I usually receive.  Interestingly enough since I stepped up I am not getting the critical tone.  

I like being the fixer, bring me the problem.  

I have been doing that a lot lately and it's appreciated.  One of the ladies at work, a different faith, commented on it yesterday.  I said I've told everyone I'm a Christian.  She nodded.  I told her if I say I'm with Jesus I have to honor Him by being a good worker.  That if I'm not it shames Him and I don't want that.  She had never seen it that way.  

And I kept working.  She was literally agape at all I did in 5 hours.  It was fun.  

Then I came home on the bus, talked to my parents.  

I had bought 2 meats that had to be cooked last night.  I hadn't had the time or motivation to do it.  I had a depression out of my accident and my big symptom is "lack of interest" and I had no interest in cooking which you know I love.  

Plus it is hard to live life with a bad arm.  I have a lot more respect for Ron and how easy he made it look.  

It has been really crazy at work as well so when I got home I was just exhausted, I was getting up as late as possible as well.  

So I had to cook it, especially the beef as it looked so delicious and it was $7.  I'm not throwing out half an hour's work.  After I hung up with my parents, I got out my 2 crock pots.  $7 worth of beef is not that much these days, I think it was about a pound, bottom round roast.  It was meant, I think, to be sauteed but I did not have the bandwidth for that.  I put it in a crock pot with a lot of potatoes, carrots, onions, a little bit of garlic (I'm allergic), smoked paprika, beef broth, and tomato paste.  

I very carefully set the timer, set the crock pots, had one on each side of the timer.  Set the timer to cook 1 AM (I got home pretty late) to 10 AM.  The pork I had more, it was the value cut pork chop ends and pieces, I like working with those, that was about 2 pounds.  

I had a nice bag of red potatoes and some really fine carrots so that went into both crock pots, along with some nice yellow onions.  For the pork I did a little bit of whole cumin (I have some amazingly strong cumin), and oregano.  I like to have a good pantry so I have what I need when I do cook, and I had a nice poblano pepper.  I roasted that on the stove (I have an old gas stove with the grate on the burner so I put the pepper on the burner, turned on low, and turned it now and then), diced it, seeded it, put it in there too.  So I had onions, potatoes, pepper, spices.  I didn't have any chicken broth so I used water with a dab of Apple Cider Vinegar.  

That all took about an hour I think, once I verified it was going to cook OK I went to bed.  Now I have a weird tic, if I cook the crockpot overnight I wake up with a  bad headache.  I did.  Even the Excedrin didn't touch it.  It went away with the protein shake and putting the food up.  

But first I had to clean the fridge.  I didn't have any bad meat in there unless you count the 50cent value hot dogs.  But I have good lunch meat, cheese (lots of cheese - that was the worst thing about last year's week long power outage, throwing out the cheese!), good bread so I can make sandwiches or toast to have with the crock pot food.  I had some iffy vegetables too which I tossed, but most of it was good.  

I like to provide my sanitation workers with a little goodie box every week.  I put it on top of the can, the usual evangelism candy in English and Spanish, fresh fruit, and bottled water.  They have a horrible, thankless job and my life would be so awful if they didn't come.  I feel very strongly about this.  I was happy to see I have a really nice selection of fresh fruit for them this week.  

Then I was able to put the crock pots up.  

I soaked some lentils, I want some.  

I need to do some dishes and clean the litter boxes but other than that I did a lot.  My arm is yelling a little so I think I may need to take a Naproxen and wear my arm sling when I'm cooking later.  

That's it for now.  

Quick Friday morning post

 Some notes on work.  

I have an assortment of coworkers.  Some are very hard workers but can't do an aspect of the job.  I help them.  Others are capable but lazy.  I will teach them, but I won't carry them.  

I did not carry one coworker and she got fired or quit last night.  All I know she left last night.  She said something to me in Spanish but my Spanish is marginal.  

Also we had someone from corporate come by yesterday, and she made some really ignorant and heartless comments about my job.   I just said OK.  I have more empathy for my Team Leads now having to deal with that.  

Not on work, I had a new to me driver yesterday, that was fun to see the look on his face when I gave him the candy.  He was absolutely thunderstruck.  

I have another driver doing a Deliverance ministry, please pray for him.  One regret I have someone offered to do a deliverance ministry on Ron (basically fast/prayer/cast out demons oppressing him and Ron had them let me tell you) but Ron refused.  It's a shame, I think it would have been arduous but very rewarding.  

I have to get ready to go, that's it for now.