"Put Your thoughts in my head"

Last month was pretty challenging: I had a major problem with Ron, severe enough that I had seriously considered moving out. I was handling that, to the best of my ability, when I was violently mugged. I had to wear long-sleeved shirts for over a week, because my arms were covered with bruises.

On the positive side, I learned that when I had 2 deliveries and a repair man, I would, after 2 hours' sleep, get up, go to work, and literally take care of business all by myself. Then, go out and have fun.

The mugging? I learned that if someone tries to take my Bible, I'll FIGHT for it! How wonderful to learn, I'm gonna fight for God's promises to me.

It's happened before, and will happen again: I knew I could not carry all this by myself, and did the whole mental image: Put the problem in a trebuchet, and flip it over to God. OK, Lord, it's YOUR problem! If I caught myself "picking it up" again, I'd do the imagery again. It's very effective for me. Dad in ICU? Husband in ICU? Husband in ICU, laid off, no cash on hand, and rent overdue? "It's YOUR problem, Lord!" I've had some practice!

Even my own issues, Bad Thoughts and hallucinations, wondering why I was alive, the temptation of suicide overwhelming and oh, so easy.... "CHUNK! It's YOUR problem, Lord!" God has always sent me who or what I needed to overcome.

Anyway, December 11. Ron made the unfortunate mistake of mixing his prescription medication with vodka. He had a blackout. I had a very difficult 12 hours. I was very, very, angry. At one point, he was lying on the floor, completely disgusting, and I had an overwhelming urge to just kick him again and again. I left the house for more than one reason! Sure, I needed to go to work, but I also believe in avoiding temptation.

I had a Day Out after work. Ron hadn't called yet, as I knew he'd do when he woke up. It was a snow day, very rare for Houston. I wanted to get out and experience the weather, which I did. I had a lot of fun, but I had to ask God for help.

I kept going back to Ron's behavior, and thinking bitter thoughts. I finally got smart and said "Lord, put Your thoughts in my head!" It's a wonderful prayer, let me tell you. I was able to focus on joyful, happy things, and not bitterness and resentment.

After I asked God for help, Ron finally woke up, realized what had happened, and called, begging forgiveness. I didn't give it lightly, but I was able to forgive him.

Last month, I was able (with God's help) to realize I am a far stronger woman than I think. I tend to view myself as a soft and weak person, but I'm not.

When I got mugged, I resisted, beating the mugger. He cried for help, and the other guy refused to get involved. When Ron dropped the ball with work, I picked it up and ran it in for a touchdown! Those are good lessons to learn.

So, I often find myself repeating my little prayer: "Put your thoughts in my head" and then I add, "And Your love in my heart".