Yes, I am. Thanksgiving, the day to give thanks, and why am I feeling this way?
Well, I hang out on two message boards. One is primarily low-carb, and one is primarily Christian. On both sites recently women have posted about a health problem their husband had, but he's all better now!
I've had to battle a tremendous urge to say something like "Well, good for you." Or "Great, so nice to hear."
A few minutes ago, I went in Ron's room to ask him a question. I won't break his privacy, but it was obvious he was in physical pain and very sad. Why him? Or, why not him? Why can't he be the one who's getting better, instead of the man who gets into a Metrolift slower than an 80 year old woman?
When they see him getting into the vehicle, no one asks why he has the wheelchair. They know he can barely walk at all.
Why does God need him like this? Haven't we both suffered enough? I don't know the answers.
I just tell myself what I tell Ron, if we knew why he needed us like this, we'd probably screw up whatever it is we're supposed to be doing. I just wish I could feel better about it.
I tell myself, it's normal to be upset, angry, sad, and a little bitter when I hear those happy ending stories I'm growing to hate. I'll just choke down my human impulses and say nothing, or something bland.
I would hate for other people to feel like I do.
Ron's calling.
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