"The better end of the deal"

Yesterday was pretty uneventful.  I did laundry and tried to catch up on housework. 

My washer, like a lot of HE washers, has some work to do in the rinsing department.  I think I will start using the "deep water" cycle when I wash blacks, because the detergent is obvious in the clothes when I pull them out of the washer.  Then I have to put it back into the washer for another rinse. 

HE washers were supposed to save water, but when you add in the mandatory "clean washer cycle" every 6th load, and all the extra rinses, I think they're coming in behind the old washers.  I don't hate the washer, I just hate the stupid regulations that got rid of the "good" washers. 

No wonder the deliveryman got so excited when he saw my old washer, and wanted to keep it.  Good luck to him, if he was able to fix it.  It was great at getting clothes clean. 

So I did fun things like run the washer, run the washer again, rinse the clothes again, throw them in the dryer, hang them up, clean the litter box, pick up, etc. 

Today I got up early, but kept hitting the snooze.  I was tired.  I didn't have any nightmares so I didn't call Doc about the Depakote. 

I am 95% sure the migraine was "my fault" for eating the chocolate bar, so I'm not throwing that at the Depakote. 

So, I slept OK, I'm just exhausted.  Maybe part of that is the migraine recovery.  It's extremely hard to get more than a nap, sleeping, with a migraine.  The pain wakes me up.  Thank God the pain is gone now. 

Anyway, a week of sleep deprivation would certainly qualify me for some fatigue.  Or it could be my medication.  Or it could just be getting no meds for a week and then going back on them the minute I could eat.  It could be anything. 

I don't worry too much about fatigue as a symptom, fatigue is just a part of my life.  I am utterly exhausted at dinnertime; that's just business as usual.  According to my parents, listening to them talk, that's very unusual. 

So I didn't do my God Time, but I did take my shower.  I got dressed and went to work.  Work was pretty uneventful, slow.  I did what I could and helped Ron with his work.  At one point he said he felt bad about "making" me load all the drinks onto the cart, and I told him "You have to stock them.  I think I have the better end of the deal."  He thought about it for a second and agreed with me.  We got it all done, even the pastry.  Things looked good when we left. 

I guess I can say it now, we will be raising prices on canned soda in about a week.  They are going up a dime, to 85 cents.  Still a good deal, we will just have to fill the change banks on a regular basis. 

I got sandwiches and put the cold (I put them in the fridge, on Saturday) Slim-fast shakes in the cold food vending machine.  They have a nice long code, are food, and are something different the other vendor doesn't sell.  They are also featured at a fair food cost to us. 

All done, we left and came home.  I took a nap.  Today I took my antidepressant for the first time in over a week, but I was OK.  No headache.  I was worried about that. 

I did wake up with a headache after my nap, though.  Frustrating.  I got aggravated and took some Excedrin so I could go to Walmart.  Ron had made a trip. 

Paratransit scheduled it so I had an hour and half.  That would have been perfect for me, but Ron asked them (taking a penalty mark in the process) to shorten it to an hour.  And then our driver was late so I had even less time, only 50 minutes. 

I managed to get everything on the list, including soup (I don't know why I only had 2 cans of soup when I got sick!), the candy I hand out, milk for me, etc, in 35 minutes.  Good.  I might even have time to go to McDonald's and get a double cheeseburger for dinner.  My pills like double cheeseburgers. 

But I got stuck at the bank making my deposit.  I was glad I had the milk in an insulated bag.  I barely had time to finish my deposit.  When I got out to Ron, the driver was talking to him, and he had his phone in his hand to call me.  But I did get the deposit done; I just didn't have time to get dinner. 

We came home (she took the scenic route) and ordered pizza instead.  It was pretty good.  Ron said next time he will get the Jalapeno cheese bread because the regular was "boring", even with the sauce.  But he ate a fair amount.   He got naked to eat it, which I felt was smart, because drippy sauce, cheese, crumbs, all over his clothes would have been a complete mess. 

I put my stuff away.  I had room in the fridge for the soup, finally, so I double stacked it.  I got beef and vegetable, and beef and barley.  Either is good for me.  I was sick a lot as a kid, lots of canned chicken soup when I was, and as a result I can't abide canned chicken soup.  Ron did want some so I got that for him.  He says it tastes like the Denny's soup.  Which I guess is a compliment.  I put it in "his" area of the kitchen. 

He has another friction blister, from overusing his massager on his leg, which popped and now has an angry red cloud surrounding it.  It looks infected, to me, but it isn't oozing so Ron doesn't believe me.  He won't let me treat it.  Says it will heal up fine on it's own.  So there's another scar if we're lucky, and a trip to the doctor if we're not.  I did buy some peroxide and some antibacterial bandages if he ever decides to let me touch it. 

One way or another, it will resolve.  If he wants to be stupid it's on him.  I remind myself anyone who can do his own P&L accounting reports should have the brains to make his own, smart, medical decisions.  I just wish Walmart had had more spray disinfectant wound sprays. 

Oh, well.  I can only do what I can do. 

Tomorrow Ron has his root canal finished, we should be done for a while then.  He doesn't want to do anything the next couple days (except, probably drink) because it's going to rain, but we'll see. 

At least I got my trip to Walmart.  Sort of. 

I don't have to worry about things bouncing out of my account, either, because I covered all my auto-pays. 

Yesterday I ordered some more Olive Leaf, and magnesium citrate.  I think that will be very useful in preventing headaches.  I sure hope it will.  I know, for a fact, I don't get enough magnesium in my diet so a little help will be appreciated.  I chose express delivery and it has already shipped.  I also threw some fun soaps into the order.  Swanson Vitamins has some really nice soaps. 

I also got a present for my aunt.  She is one of those fun people who is happy with small things (like me) so she will enjoy it. 

I plan to go to bed early tonight and get some sleep.  Tomorrow shouldn't be too bad, the dentist will be fitting Ron's crown to his back molar only, so that's not a big deal.  None of that horrible drilling, thank God. 

I plan to tell the dentist about my migraine, in the context that, when I had it, the roots of my top back molars hurt horribly.  Does that happen a lot or is it just me?  If you get migraines (you poor thing) please let me know, I am curious.  It was so bad last week I put Anbesol on my tooth and then the taste made me vomit, which made my teeth hurt even more.  Thank God that's all over. 

I'm so glad I never had kids.  The only thing worse than watching a child with inherited mental illness suffer would have been watching a child with inherited migraines in agony. 

[shudder]

"Good Business"

It didn't start out very well.  I woke up in the middle of the night to Ron, having a blackout.  It sounded like he fell on the floor repeatedly, tried to get up, cursing fluently, angry, falling again.  This morning, I asked him if he remembered falling on the floor.  "No" he replied plainly "But I remember waking up on the floor". 

I was pretty upset I lost my sleep, everything I read about migraines says adequate sleep is really important in prevention.  And I had been sleeping so well, stretched out in bed next to Biscuit, dry mouth open to the world, kind of sleep. 

Can't cry over lost sleep, so I got up and took my shower.  My hair was kind of dry after yesterday's shower (I had to wash my hair, twice, with clarifying shampoo), so I used my 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner.  I didn't eat because I wasn't hungry and I don't believe in forcing food on myself if I can avoid it. 

I also had another headache, and I really didn't want my antidepressant in the mix, turning it into a migraine, on Truck Day.   Bad enough it was going to be in the 50's, and rain, I didn't want a headache. 

I decided I didn't want the headache to the extent I took an Excedrin to make SURE I got rid of it.  It worked, but added a lot of caffeine to my mix I probably didn't need.   I had resolved to get rid of the caffeine, and the aspartame, but it doesn't look like it will be an easy road. 

I was glad I had already bagged up a lot of candy last night, enough for everyone I would meet today.  I had it in my tote bag hanging on the back of Ron's wheelchair. 

I keep a poncho, umbrella, and a garbage bag to put over Ron (hey, he likes them!) in case it rains, the candy, my waterproof Bible, etc. 

We were meeting Jack at the Sam's Club.  He would be meeting us to take our merchandise to work.  I decided I would give Jack, our driver, some extra money.  If I didn't want to get up and work in the cold and rain, I'm sure he didn't. 

We went to the club and Ron made my list.  I got him a sample from the little desk by the front door and did "my" shopping.  Funny to think I am basically paid to shop one day a week.  I do a lot more than that, but still, I have to shop. 

I bought the water, the tea, the other drinks, and then moved onto my list.  I didn't think I got that much, but Jack commented I had a lot.  Snacks require a lot.  Like the other vendor said, you have, on average, 50 items in each machine.  Times two machines. 

I paid, found one of my favorite cashiers, and Jack was early.  He was happy to see his bonus, and I told him everytime the weather is lousy I will give him some extra money.  He liked it. 

Probably not "Good Business" but I have a harvest at the end of my life, and I want to hear God tell me I did a good job managing what I had.  The money made him a lot happier than it made me. 

And I got a nice bonus.  While looking for Driver Candy I found a special on the Reese's assorted individually wrapped for about half off.  I bought two bags, and some Now & Later. 

Personal shopping done -now I was done. 

Jack got the truck loaded to his satisfaction.  It wasn't as cold, or as rainy, as they had forecast but I didn't think that mattered - he was willing to come and help us, in the cold and rain.  It is rare to find someone like that regardless of whether you're paying them.  Especially important when you think he has a "real" full time job 60 hours a week on the other 5 days of the week, and is getting up early on one of his only days off to help us just because he likes us. 

It is really important to value good people in your life.  No one is perfect, but someone who is there when you need them is someone important. 

Of course I am going to try to give back. 

We got to work, unloaded.  Sales were pretty slow so I mainly helped Ron.  What I need to do can wait until Monday.  It was pretty uneventful except the custodians found my jar of Now and Laters and wanted to "buy" some.  I told them I am giving them away with "Jesus booklets" and they were welcome to just grab some out of the jar.  They can make my life better (by cleaning well, in front of the machines) or make it hell (by not cleaning, or cleaning while we are working).  So they're on my list of important people too.  Besides, they are good sports looking at my cat photos and hearing my stories. 

We got it all done and left.  Our ride home was already there.  We picked up a blind couple at a truly horrible apartment complex not far from work.  If I were a blind woman no way would I live there.  But maybe that's the best "housing" could do for them.  A lot of the clients are on Section 8, basically "free" housing, but nearly always in a truly awful neighborhood.  Pretty high price to pay. 

Ron and I never had any benefits of that sort, unless you except my aunt paying my rent for a couple of months after Ron's accident.  She's a good lady. 

We took them to the truly awful mall, and then he was going to pick up someone else, but he decided to take us home instead.  As he drove, he ate half the candy I'd given him, throwing the wrappers out the window.  How am I going to feel one day, when my Jesus candy gets a driver a littering ticket?  Not sure.  I didn't say anything. 

We got home, my bag, on the back of the wheelchair, was ripped on one side.  I'm not sure what happened but the bag was cotton, and 20 years old.  I guess it was just it's time to go.  I didn't pitch a fit - it wouldn't have done any good and I don't want a diva reputation.  Bad enough being bipolar.  I don't have to "act" like it. 

I plan to get a waterproof case for my important papers anyway, I can use that backpack on the back of the wheelchair instead.  Not a big deal. 

Ron had asked for Atkins shakes.  I was proud of him for thinking about his diet.  Normally he eats out of boxes, cans, and restaurants.  Part of that is "my" fault, being such a "bad" wife I "can't" cook for him, what with the brain damage and serious medication I am taking for also being crazy.  That's how some would look at it.  I do my best; he knows that, we're cool. 

So I got him the shakes.  I put one in the fridge for him and he can try it later.  It's the vanilla.  I always liked the low carb vanilla shakes, regardless of brand, but they always gave me a horrible headache the next day. 

Once I got the stuff put up, I ate a couple of frozen burritos warmed up.  I found half a TV dinner decaying in the microwave.  Apparently Ron heated it up during a blackout, ate half of it, put it back, and forgot about it.  Yuck.  Got rid of that right quick.  Ugh. 

My burritos were good, and, more importantly, the medication likes them.  I never have gastric issues when I take the pills with a couple of these burritos.  They're the "El Monterrey" ones, in the green package.  I drank a tall glass of milk with them because I can use the protein. 

I took a nap.  Biscuit joined me in bed, and I slept great.  I didn't have nightmares and I got a really good quality nap.  So important!  I was really happy when I got up. 

I almost blew my head off when I took my computer off sleep and turned on my music.  For some reason, the volume knob was way up and the noise was fantastic.  I hurried up and turned it down.  Ron was already awake, thank God, so I didn't have to worry about waking him up.  Good. 

He told me he drank 3 servings of alcohol last night, which probably (read: did) cause his blackout.  Obviously 2 is his limit.  We've had this talk before but he feels that 2 "doesn't do anything" and he "needs" 3 to get a "good buzz".  That's what the heroin addicts think when they're overdosing. 

I didn't tell him that.  Jack had a cold so I need to go supplement. 

I am finally feeling well enough to take my Olive Leaf and Oregano oil.  They are both really good antivirals for me and I am a big fan of taking them when something's lurking, or I have been around a sick person. 

My whole GI tract is still out of whack.  2 days of vomiting and then 4 total days of not eating at all will take a toll.  I'm having some symptoms I won't talk about - no one wants to hear about them.  But I will be glad when they resolve. 

Anyway, I'm going to run for now.  Tonight, my only goal is to get started on some laundry and call my Dad around 4 his time (that's his preferred time for me to call). 

Tired of this

More headaches.  I' m thinking it's my "new" Depakote I got about a week ago.  *Definitely* calling Doc on Monday.  Thank God still functional and not vomiting.

I'm Tired

So, first a little vending gossip.  You may or may not know I work next to a very loud television.  I am also a Dr Pepper vendor.  It's kind of like the old clans.  You join the clan, you are loyal to the clan.  You don't mess with other clans except on a very limited, approved, basis.  Our contract allows us "free" vending machines and repairs, in exchange for buying their product at their price, a minimum of 10 cases per machine (we have 3 machines), and only 2 competitor products per machine, which we do.  All in all, it's a pretty good deal. 

I am happy with Dr Pepper.  I like Dr Pepper.  I was startled to hear Dr Pepper had been bought by Keurig, so much so I stopped my work and went and actually watched the TV.  They were going to "streamline operations".  Uh-oh. 

This all happened days ago, I forget which.  They changed the way we place our orders now, a new number.  Fired Linda, I think, who was a decent sales rep.  I am praying for her. 

So, today, I got up at work to see what the "new" Dr Pepper would do with our delivery.  I slept horribly but did not wake up with a headache.  Still not hungry though, so I am listening to that.  Better to eat a little less, and, let's be honest, I can afford to miss a few calories. 

Got up, took a long shower (I hadn't bathed in days and my hair was pretty greasy), got all fresh, new clothes, work boots on, ready to go.  We had a good ride to work, a straight ride. 

Got in and the machines were devastated.  I had to do a lot of work filling them up again, but no one yelled at me.  I did tell a big gossip I had a migraine so that is out there if anyone cares to hear it. 

Our delivery came, late.  He was a nice guy but not happy with the "new" company.  When we got the bill, they had jacked up our prices by a, to us, significant amount.  We will have to either "eat" it or raise prices. 

At least they still came, sort of on time, and they did put my soda away, but that's the delivery guy more than the company.  I gave them some candy with Scripture booklets, they were happy to see it.  I also got them some drinks - I always try to spoil my delivery guys.  They can help a company run, or grind it to a halt. 

The other vendor was Not Happy to hear about the price increase.  I bet!  We weren't, either.  They could have at least given us a call, or a letter, or waited a few deliveries and then done it.  Now I feel like they're "milking" us. 

It could have been done better; I would have sent a letter or had a rep call.  I feel terrible when we have to raise prices and I always put up a note. 

But we got it all done, delivery, stocking, etc. 

Pretty soon we were done, and we went home.  I drank a glass of milk and took a nap, woke up with yet ANOTHER headache, not a migraine, but not mild either.  I was Not Happy.  I took some Excedrin to whack it and bagged up some candy. 

I like to bag up an assortment of individually wrapped candy, with a scripture booklet, and hand them out to service providers.  But I'm running out of booklets, and I had a fair amount of tracts.  So I tried bagging up about 8 with a tract and a booklet, worked well (I used "7 things that don't get you into Heaven").   Then Ron wanted to go to dinner.  He's been cooped up in the house all week so I went. 

He just had a bowl of soup; I had fried cheese sticks.  I ate a lot, and am very full, but I wanted to make sure my pills had a good base for their landing. 

Remember, I haven't taken any of my crazy pills in nearly a week, that's a big deal.  I should be having a meltdown about now, but I'm not.  I attribute that to God, and good lithium levels to begin with. 

I don't want to have a meltdown.  I really don't. 

Did I ever tell you the story of "What Goes Up?"  It was a true story about a man who went off his meds "for a couple of days" - got manic, didn't go back on, had a one-year mania (I can't imagine), utterly ruined his life, and ended up committing suicide?  That's my worst nightmare.  I want balance, I want control.  I am tired of being a slave to malfunctioning chemicals. 

I am tired of being a victim of my illness.  Bad enough I suffered for 32 years.  Why suffer any longer? 

I managed to gag down all my pills at once, and they settled OK. 

We rode home for a while with a family that only spoke Spanish, including the little boy.  If you live in America, you had better teach your kid English!  Don't wait for the educational system to do it.  What if there is a crisis?   One time I caught one of the little toddlers from next door running around recklessly in my fenced backyard (without permission, I might add), right next to my tools (could have hurt himself, badly, and did - at his own home, a few months later), tried to tell him to go home, but no speaka english.  I should have kept him and called the police, let the parents explain to the police how he got away like that. 

Anyway, I thought it was rude.  They only spoke to the driver in Spanish.  It's a good thing the driver did speak Spanish.  I wonder what they would have done if they had an English-only driver.  Probably produced a better English than they were letting on - a lot of them do that - play dumb but they speak English pretty well. 

Ron started talking about Trump, which got the couple discussing having pork and chicken with cheese, for dinner.  I couldn't envision a more nauseating combination.  It made me gag, hearing them talk, about it. 

They got let off in a marginal apartment complex near a big drug-dealing area.  I was happy to get out of there. 

On the way, I ordered more Scripture booklets from my cell phone.  400 ought to hold me for a while.  I got "Who Am I That a King Would Die in my place?" 

I would love to get an assortment, but they made that a little harder to do, you select the book title now and then how many.  Not complaining, it is a good interface, but I used to be able to type "500 English Assorted" and get just that.  But I'm whining. 

So I'm home.  I told you about my day.  I was going to clean the litter boxes but someone just used one, so they must still be "acceptable".  I'll get them tomorrow. 

I have to get up at 4 AM tomorrow for work, so I'm going to bed. 

I'm tired. 

That really sucked

Oh, that sucked. 

Timeline: Sunday night, I ate a dark chocolate bar.  Sometimes, chocolate has been implicated in a headache, but seldom a migraine.  I can't type.  We also had a Supermoon, which has been definitively linked to my migraines.  I'm just "special" when it comes to the moon, I guess.  Maybe I'm part lycanthrope. 

Monday morning, around 1, I woke up with a pretty bad headache.  I took my standard "3 aspirin" and went back to bed.  I woke up at 5 with an even worse headache.  I took a Phenergan and brought my bucket, because I knew, with this kind of headache, there was a very good chance I would escalate to vomiting migraine.

And I was right.  I got sick in the bucket standing next to the vehicle as the driver unloaded Ron's wheelchair.  I got sick again stocking the Cheetos (had time to grab my bucket).  Each time, I went to the custodial closet (technically off limits) and washed out the bucket.  We finished out the day and came home. 

I curled up in a ball, vomiting another couple times before I went to sleep.  I got so dehydrated my lips peeled.  I did manage to get some water down, and I was still urinating, so I wasn't too worried. 

Tuesday: pain, nausea, vomiting.  Small sips of water and gatorade when I could.  Finally threw up for the last time around 9 PM.  Didn't sleep well. 

No medication at all during this time, just some phenergan suppositories.  I'm amazed I'm still functional. 

Wednesday: a blur of pain, nausea, choking down water and finishing the last of the gatorade.  I ate a few small pretzels because I remembered Doc's lecture about the lithium ion being stronger than the sodium ion and pushing it out of the body.  I had nightmares, when I slept (finally!) that I was in labor, the pain was so bad. 

When I woke up today, the pain was still bad.  How was the pain,Heather?  Kind of a drilling, throbbing, sort of sensation that extended all the way down to the roots of my molars.  Really quite awful.  I've had migraines so bad I went to the dentist because I was convinced I had a dental problem. 

It got better within a couple of hours and is mostly gone now.  I am drinking a lot more but my appetite hasn't come back yet. 

As a rule, I don't eat until I get my appetite back.  And I was pretty violently ill for a couple of days there, that's going to take some time to recover.  I am down 10 pounds, though.  Probably water loss and glycogen (a temporary fuel your body stores for times like this). 

Then I have the question of when to start up the medication again.  It is pretty harsh on the stomach, so I will have to be careful taking it, with something bland, yet thick enough to buffer it.  I sure as hell don't feel like cooking and Ron is pretty limited in what he can do to help. 

He had a blackout one night, thought he was in the garage, and woke me up screaming for me to "put him back in the house".  I realized his delusions when he is drunk are remarkably similar to the head injury dementia he had after the accident.  Depressing, that.  I thought "we" were over that. 

Somehow I see Ron going down in flames, although, with that exception, he was pretty quiet.  He kept making trips to Denny's and asking if I wanted to go, which was almost enough to make me hurl again.  Just the thought of fried eggs or butter.....stilll....

I haven't had a shower since Sunday.  Amazingly, I don't reek.  Let's hear it for the Crystal Deodorant roll on.  I put it on because it was unscented and I couldn't bear any fragrances but it did a really good job.  Yup, don't reek.  My hair doesn't look that bad, either, considering.  I thought it would be a lot more greasy but it's just kind of blah.  I did try to keep it brushed out so I wouldn't end up with a nest of tangles. 

I wasn't too wild about having longer hair (shoulder length) with this headache, rolling over in bed, it got stuck in my face and mouth, a real PITA.  If I knew I was going to have a lot more migraines in my life I'd just cut it short.  And I like it long.  But it wasn't too bad, just annoying. 

Cats: I didn't see Baby Girl at all, the fickle traitor.  She was probably happy I was too sick to trim knots out of her fur.  Torbie slept with me some, and Biscuit.  At one point, they ran out of dry cat food.  Biscuit was persistent, yet lovingly gentle, in encouraging me to get out of bed and feed them.  I finally figured it out and felt like a real idiot and a terrible mother.  As a result, pretty much everytime I walk past the food bowl I am throwing another scoop on top. 

Tomorrow I have to get up at 1-2 AM and go to work to get our Dr Pepper delivery, and stock.  I'm sure the machines have been pillaged by now.  I will be very busy, and get a lot of flack, from my customers. 

I drank a diet decaf iced tea and most of my headache is gone.  I suspect some of today's headache is aspartame withdrawal.  I will have to think about that.  I am sure I am pretty much off caffeine since I had my last on Sunday.  I only drink about 80 mg of caffeine every day anyway, unless we eat out somewhere. 

That's it for now.  I sure hope I sleep OK tonight.  No sleep for a week really does me in, especially when added to no meds for almost a week. 

And no, I won't do anything stupid like say "I'm fine now so I don't need them anymore". 

Day 3

Day 3.  Ron was pretty quiet day 1 and 2.  I vomited a lot, into my bucket.  Even the roots of my teeth hurt. 

I have been taking my phenergan, with mixed results, but last night I was able to keep down about a liter, total, of water.  I consider that good. 

This morning, though, my weight was down about 10 pounds from the last time I weighed.  So I need more fluids. 

I have been sipping, alternating, gatorade and plain water.  My body seems to like plain water the best. 

Pretty standard migraine.  Incredible headache and vomiting, nausea.  One-sided (although it switched sides, yesterday).  Tired but can't sleep. 

Ron had a blackout last night, kept screaming for me.  I ignored him as long as I could.  He thought he was stuck in the garage and "wanted to get in the house" even though he was sitting right there in the kitchen.  I wasn't very nice, I slapped his hand on the fridge and asked "Do you know what this is?"  No.  "It's the fridge, you're in the kitchen.  I HAVE A MIGRAINE SO LEAVE ME ALONE!"  And I went back bed.  He was quiet after that, and eventually found his way to bed. 

Ugh.  I feel miserable.  I am waiting for the afternoon to go back to bed, the sun is too bright in my bedroom.  My deodorant is doing a really good job,and the cats have been very cuddly (Torbie and Biscuit, at least). 

I'm going to have to go back to work tomorrow but I am hoping my headache will be gone by then.  The worst migraines I've ever had have lasted 3 days each. 

Day 2

Day 2, migraine. 

Keeping small amount of water down.  Had some applesauce.  Oh, my head is killing me.