I'm going to go back in time. January 7, 2003. My husband had just been hit by a pickup truck while walking to work. I'm at the hospital. It's lunchtime.
"Heather, you have to eat." I'm prodded. What do I get? Chocolate ice cream. I did pretty well after that until Ron's dad let slip the fact that the hospital had a bakery. I really did not need that information.
I had lost 20 pounds or so by working out 10 hours a week and adhering to a low-fat diet. I ate so little red meat I was rejected as a blood donor. Needless to say, after I learned about the bakery I gained it all back in a few weeks.
Future reference: If Ron has a health crisis and you know of a bakery nearby - DON'T TELL ME!
We had some very emotional and exhausting "family meetings". I was not feeling the love, very emotional and tearful, I'd head for... the bakery.
Fast forward: 2008. I've broken my sugar addiction. I'm eating low-carb. I'm eating salads and fresh raw veggies every day. I pack lunches and snacks so I'm not tempted at work.
Today at work, in fact, I ate a lovely mini-meal of sharp cheddar cheese stick, 1 cup sugar snap peas - raw, and 1 cup beef sauteed with onions and garlic until just crunchy. Delicious. Only then did I go stock hundreds of candy bars. Candy and low blood sugar is a very bad combination.
I like to think I'm pretty experienced at managing my low-carb life. Ron's got a lump on his face, some kind of sinus infection? He's got hand surgery coming up and his good hand will be immobilized for 6 weeks. I'll have to do his work and mine. I'm worried about him.
Old habits do die hard. It is very tempting to think, "I'll just eat this". Now, to be honest, I did treat myself - a concious choice - to some no sugar added ice cream. I ate a 12 (carbohydrate) gram portion. I put the lid on it, and put it back in the freezer. It's the first time I felt like I was in control of the ice cream instead of the other way around. I bought some Caffeine Free Diet Dr Pepper - I've heard bad things about aspartame but it's sweet and hits the spot.
I'd slipped out of working out - very easy, I had an elbow injury and I couldn't lift much, then I stopped doing the cardio because I was too stressed, too tired (we have to run a business in addition to the health crises), too anything.
"I deserve it". Why? Do I hate myself that much? It isn't sugar to me, it's POISON. I wouldn't put ant bait in the cat food, why would I put sugar in my body? My body serves me well. I'm not going to subject myself to that. It was hell going off the sugar back in February/March. I am not going through that again. I felt so awful, I realized the true extent of my sugar addiction.
I deserve better than that. I deserve healthy, nourishing foods and stress-relieving workouts. I deserve to be at the top of my game so I can support Ron 110%. He deserves a healthy, vibrant, dependable, wife. How can I help him run the business if I'm stricken with a migraine?
I know, however, that I have to do it for MYSELF, first and foremost. It's my body, my health, my mind. As soon as I stopped the workouts I began to get depressed. I had a 45 minute cardio workout tonight and I feel great. My depresssions are always worse at night, but not tonight. Tonight, I'm fine, because I respected myself.
If Ron ends up in the hospital, I've got a bag packed by the door. I'll bring my medication, my MP3 player, my Bible, and a cooler full of "legal" snacks.
I deserve good health.
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