Blow back

 I have been doing some thinking about Spiritual Warfare, evangelism, etc.  

I always, always, have more problems when I am more active in outreach.  When Ron was alive, it came from him - and a famous Chinese evangelist once said that the worst spiritual attacks will come from your own family.  He would just engage in the worst verbal abuse you can imagine, sleep deprivation techniques right out of the gulag, etc.  

I'll let out something I haven't said before.  After Ron started having seizures I mentioned to a few people he might have been having them for a while, at night.  They didn't understand.  

Ron was so loud at night, all night, nearly every night.  Just screaming nonsense gibberish, banging, crashes, you name it.  All night, every night.  How would I discern a seizure out of all that?  No one could.  But he never had one in front of me until March/April of 2020.  

So I had that from 2009 (When I got serious about outreach) to 2021.  I was pretty exhausted the last couple years, up all night every night, couldn't sleep during the day, either.  Just getting a quick nap here and there.  I didn't feel like I could leave Ron once the seizures started so Handouts were out.  

I was worn out, beaten down.  A few years ago I was tragedy-adjacent.  I can't say much about it but it was shocking.  Someone died.  

It got me thinking about how long I had.  What really mattered.  So I got on the Handouts again.  I have had escalating health issues ever since.  GI bugs.  Migraines.  So many migraines.  I did a Handout last week, I got some sort of hideous flu with a migraine!  

But I'm a (last name redacted).  We are a very stubborn breed.  I married that.  And my own heritage is a very stubborn Scot.  I'm going to keep handing things out as long as God wants me to.  He took me out of circulation for a few months last year but I'm back now.  

I'll do what I can to take care of myself; I need to do that.  Ramp up my self-care for lack of a better phrase, more protein, cut back on the sugar, rest as much as possible in my downtime.  I am still debating getting (next year's) flu shot though.  But simple things I can do.  

The problem I've had lately I want to do meal prep on my day off and I keep getting sick on it.  Now, to be clear - the pest is probably having vapors over this - but the medication I take - all of it causes migraines.  It is not optional to take.  I need it to stay alive.  I am not changing it because it works..  

I did find my migraine prevention herbs.  I'll start taking them when I can and order some more - Swanson keeps sending me coupons.  I am taking magnesium every night as well, and the occasional "hit" of a mega-b vitamin every week or so to fill in any gaps.  I can also resume the basic "seniors" (thank you for that manufacturer, that makes me feel very special) vitamin as well.  

I'm at a transitional stage of my life, too, and I figure that will go either one of two ways.  I have one relative that went "natural" on menopause and a couple that had to have hysterectomies.  The one who went "natural" says she no longer has migraines.  "Can't remember the last one".  Very encouraging.  The two that had hysterectomies are still getting migraines.  I have not had a hysterectomy.  

Although, as a teen, I had such heavy blood loss a neighbor girl asked me where I got my "cool blue" lipstick.  She didn't believe I wasn't wearing any.  

So I'll do what I can to protect myself.  But it seems, at least now, like evangelism is coming with a truck load of blow back right now.  It makes me glad I am single because a man who loved me would probably want me to stop.  And I can't, thinking about all the people out there suffering without Him.  

I do have to say the cats have been completely awesome.  

Edit: 

Let the good times roll!!