Stand still and see salvation

 It's not just Ron.  

Tonight I was surprised by something that came from someone I saw as an ally.  I don't know what's happening exactly I'll know more tomorrow.  

But I need to remember Sun Tzu business is war and I need to document everything.  

But that would happen with Ron, I would be walking with Jesus, planning outreach, and just the most savage attacks imaginable, usually out of the blue.  Tonight wasn't that bad but a little evocative.  

And I remind myself: the Devil wouldn't be after me if I wasn't a threat.  I am attacking him; he's responding.  

Exodus 14:13, 2 Chronicles 20:17

"Stand still and see salvation!"

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Just for fun

 Back in the old days I had to buy my Music on CD.  Here are the ones I bought for myself, some of them, at any rate.  

Kenny G Christmas 

George Michael greatest hits

Janet Jackson greatest hits ("Black Cat" never got it's due)

Billy Joel greatest hits 

T'Pau debut album.

That's all I remember offhand.  

What I miss

 It's almost 5 years since Ron died.  I don't plan to date.  

There are a few things I miss though.  

My house is constructed in such a way I can only have furniture in some areas.  That means I have a necessary loveseat near the front door.  

I grew up in a shoes off home.  I don't care what you do in my house but I always take my shoes off.  Not for sanitation but I enjoy bare feet.  I take off my shoes and socks the second I walk in the door, which creates a "shoe situation".  It would be nice to have someone fix that.  

I enjoy seasoned food, unlike my father and husband.  I have a "spice situation" in the cabinet next to my stove, bottles falling out every time I open the door, digging around trying to find my rosemary.   I could use a solution.  

I got an auger for toilet clogs happily I haven't had to use it.  

I am reluctant to ask men for help I worry it makes me seem desperate and needy.  

I have thought some about this as well: my ministry takes me to dark places at all hours.  

I believe a loving mate (a man, sorry pest) is going to have very large issues with that.  Ron was more concerned in a "Who's going to take care of me if..." 

But I've concluded God wires men to protect women.  That is 100% at odds with me running off to Cracktown with a handcart full of Bibles.  

Forget all my baggage; that's a problem right there.  

Whatever it takes

 For whatever reason, I feel like time is short.  

When I vanish it won't be an alien that got me.  Even if you have issues with God buy at least one, cheap, evangelism Bible because they will be extremely valuable after the rapture.  You can always trade it.  

Speaking of Bibles I found some old photos while cleaning up my phone.  Injuries related to evangelism.  When Ron was alive I had mental attacks, verbal abuse, sleep deprived, etc.  Now it's more physical.  

Blogger mobile is very limited so you may have to cut and paste.  https://photos.app.goo.gl/4criWt5jf8do84pD6

I'm OK with that.  Whatever it takes to share the Gospel.  "Heather, you have to get your ass kicked for this guy to get the Gospel". Bring it.  

I feel OK sharing this.  Paul bragged about all he had suffered for Jesus.  Jesus himself said we're going to be attacked.  

God willing, I'm doing a Handout tomorrow. 

Problems I've had with churches

 Church #1 was happy to hear I handed out Bibles and where, but kept thinking I was doing it for the wrong reasons.  Once I made it clear they said they'd supply all the Bibles I needed.  Until they didn't.  Not only that they told me I was a "Drug addict practicing sorcery" because I take medicine for my mood disorder.  The pastor was convinced all psych meds are addictive.  My prima drug makes me fat, sick, and tired. They got really upset when I spoke about Ron abusing me and said it wasn't Biblical to speak about it.  

Another church actually stole the Bible Handouts.  I was fine with that people are getting Bibles.  They do it differently but they do have a sign that says Free Bibles and they go regularly.  The pastor told me Ron went to hell,  They were also fairly hostile to my involvement in any sort of outreach.

I sporadically attend a Presbyterian church.  I am most comfortable with their theology except predestination.  They were, ah, not interested in giving me business cards to put in the Bibles.  Mom says that's pretty standard for Presbyterians.  

I'm not against churches.. But I am weird.  

Sunday night

 I was doing some thinking tonight.  I have a pretty good vocabulary but I can't find a word to convey my depth of terror at the thought of dating again.  The Bible says "two are better than one".  

But, again, I can't find a word to convey how badly Ron hurt me, either.  

Yes, I did another one

 https://gofund.me/bf9749f5

Elijah

 I'm going to call him Eli.  I have been texting with someone.  

His faith impresses me.  

In the Bible, in Kings, the nation has gone to idol worship.  Believers in Jehovah are murdered so the few remaining are in hiding.  Except Elijah.

Long story short, Eli defeats and slaughters the false prophets.  He is very tired.  God tells him, you need rest and food.  That's where I am now.  

I am very tired from some brutal hours and insane work loads. 

I am also looking for Bibles.  They're coming I'm sure.  I handed out 5 today.  10 yesterday.

That's it for now!  

The

 https://youtu.be/TzJxkqGiRbc?si=cfzBhNQ_iidnEz1g

Day off thoughts

 I'm finding myself.  One thing I've found I can be very happy on my own; and if I do marry again it's going to be a godly man.  One who will cherish, value, and respect me.  Who will encourage and support me as I grow closer to God.

Does God want me to remarry?  I don't know.  If God has someone He will bring the man into my life.  But I'm not settling for a cheap imitation again . 

In the meantime I focus on my walk with God, taking care of my recipients.

It is funny.  Last night I was texting someone at the bus stop.  It is a terrible idea but if someone has shared their heart I don't believe in letting them wait.  

It was a new driver.  I don't look like I want the bus, but one of my recipients was on the bus and shouted at the driver until he stopped for me.  I thanked them both profusely.  Then the recipient and I discussed fitness until he got to his stop.  

Thank you, Lord.  

Praise God I made it to my day off!

 The salve is working great, you have to try it for yourself.  I got generic brand petroleum jelly and added tea tree and lavender essential oils.  I melted the jelly by placing the tub in a bowl of hot water. My feet look so much better.  

I'm very careful talking about family and friends now but feel fine sharing Mom and Dad have a "shoes off" household. I didn't want them dragging me off to a podiatrist.  

I'm off today and tomorrow.  I get paid tomorrow (I don't see the harm in saying that).  Today is recovery day, clean the house a little.  It was a rough pay period I didn't have 2 nickels this last week but I stand by how I used my money.  

I did my budget and I have about $150 after expenses.  I need to get cat food, groceries, a few cleaning things.  I am doing a Handout tomorrow and would like snacks.  I also want to get a few nonperishable snacks for my hurricane kit and possibly some on-hand snacks I can keep in the Bible room for my next Handout. 

And, the pest favorite, more candy to hand out.  I also need to investigate my plastic bag situation I have been using a lot of quart bags (New Testaments). 

I don't have a lot of outreach stuff but it's God's stuff.  He'll bring more.  The way they have my schedule right now it's 4, 8 hour days.  That's what I was originally hired for and I love that.  I can do a Handout one day, one day for errands and housework, one day to rest up or do my hair.  

So I'm leaving the supply issues in God's hands.  

Today I am mainly resting.  The last week was an absolute dumpster fire at work.  

Hoe beautiful are the feet of those who spread the Gospel!

 No weapon formed against me will prosper, but I don't need to hand weapons over, either.  

I am sorry to my good followers, I am hoping "starvation diet" will help with pest control 🪳.  

On Facebook I'm doing a banal barrage of cat photos and evangelism tips.  

I have had some minor foot issues which is not surprising as I spend over 13 hours a day on my feet, in my sneakers.  I've found a men's 11.5 wide with my favorite foot care aisle inserts to do the job.  

A sponsor sent me a check a while back that went for 2 pairs of that.

Anyway my pointer toe on both feet developed a thick, discolored, toe-claw. I managed to get them trimmed but they aren't pretty.  

I have done a 180 on my views of seeking medical help.  I am just so sick of doctors, hospitals, etc.  I decided to treat this myself.  

Ron would let me take care of his catheter and give him suppositories but he would never let me touch his feet.  I am also very careful with my feet.  I pick at my nails but never my feet.

But I know tea tree oil is really good for antiviral, antifungal, antibiotic purposes and seems like a good thing to put on my feet.  My toe-claws also have some thick calluses that need babying.  

Years ago before Ron got hurt I was very into herbal medicine and I made a fantastic salve.  It had thing like calendula, St Johns wort, dragons blood resin, comfrey, etc.  It did smell awful and was reddish from the resins.  

Ron had very serious road rash from the accident, particularly on his hands.  They were talking about skin grafts actually but they were healing albeit slowly.  When he got home I put the salve on the left side and some basic OTC stuff on the right side.  The left side healed amazingly and happily Ron was pretty out of it.  He had healed up by the time he started objecting to the salve.  The right side had a lot more scarring but he couldn't use the arm anyway. 

He never let me get near him with the salve or even use it on myself after that.  I wanted something a long those lines.  

I get very bad dry, cracked, hands at work in the winter.  I bought some Equate brand petroleum jelly with cocoa butter.  It helped, some, but I found a hand cream that worked better.

So I had that.  I put the jar in a bowl of hot water and added some tea tree oil and some lavender essential oil (also a good antiviral, antifungal properties), stirred it up.  I saved a few of my pain relief salve jars so I put some in one of those and put it in my backpack.  I have the rest on my bedside table.  I apply it to the toe-claws right before I don my socks.  

I have to admit my feet looked a lot better last night.  I didn't need medical care (I don't mess with foot care!) but the toenails looked a lot better.  

Mobile won't let me add pictures but you don't want to see that anyway!  🤣🤣

Love to all, hate for none.  

Text to speech blog

 I'm going to try this with the voice to text tonight. I still do not have a working computer so I'm just using my phone for all my online stuff but I can pay my bills and do the work things and all that so I'm happy.  I was doing meal prep today I had bought various things I tried to have components so I can put meals together like a canned beans I like using those a lot I always have lentils on hand my favorite Frozen mixed vegetable canned salsa red potatoes rice chicken broth different things like that and then I can put that together and and make me a lot of that I have been doing a lot of meals where I have red potatoes cut up with a plantain all black beans and some kind of meat and that and a can of salsa and that turns out pretty good actually so and then it's just ready to go when I walk in the door which I love but I was thinking tonight I was having a lot of fun in the kitchen and I made chorizo and eggs I put some kale in there too and when I was dishing it up I added some shredded cheese some spicy refried beans also you know I'm having a good time just up creating basically and I just got kind of sad and I was thinking about it and I could never do any of that when Ron was alive he is only like recently that I realized just how controlling he was the length of my hair the how much I fixed myself up the type of clothes I wore the he wanted me frumpy he did not want anybody looking at me he was very very threatened every time I lost weight and he would do anything he could to sabotage that and a lot of times what I was eating you know he would say he you know he was just extremely extremely controlling and not just like what we're going to keep the thermostat but he paid all the bills all the money came from him I had very little money in my own it was it was terrible and I never am going to put myself in that situation again ever ever you know if a man loves me he's going to understand that and you know and I have basically decided I'm happy being celibate you know I have a good life I would the other night I came home I was sitting on the couch I was petting Spotty and I thought to myself I'm very happy here where I am right now so I'm going to get up I'm not going to mess that up and so I was cooking and I'm kind of creating a curry and what I like to do with like cooking ethnic foods is like kind of get a baseline recipe and then I play with it because I'm the only one eating it generally so I know how to do a basic Curry so I got some oil in the skillet I added the spices the onions I let that go for a few minutes I added the potatoes and carrots and that I actually kind of stole from the Chinese cooking you know because you want to cook the more dense vegetables for longer period of time than something like say spinach if you're cooking in a wok and I am you know I put a curry together and I'm very happy with it and it's a giant Curry I have a literally a gallon of curry in the refrigerator and you know I can share that with my friends if they're interested you know I have a lot of fun I'm spicing it up but the house smells like Curry and I thought Ron would have blown a gasket over this and you know I was just in bondage for so long it was just sad and you know I have three days off this week one day I went and did a Bible hand out that's pretty much an all-day thing the second day I did my hair that's also pretty much an all-day thing today I made a quick trip to the grocery store mainly for snacks I want like some cookies and pretzels I really want to pretzels and and things like that and I came home and I took a nap with Cleo and I did the meal prep and I'm very happy with that and you know tomorrow I go into work it's going to be busy because it is a Walmart on a tax-free weekend and I don't care where you work in the store is going to be busy so that is it for now

 https://youtu.be/yxGKB2wFQgE?si=FJ7jBYJFmDZplT-o

Video blog Handout update

 https://youtu.be/HCxvpUebcx4?si=bSRzP5ZxKYcjTXil

I need Bibles

 I need everything.  God convicted me on my pride so I'm asking: can my precious sponsors please get me some Bibles?

I do a lot of the 

https://www.lifeway.com/en/product/kjv-the-invitation-new-testament-P005837907

https://www.lifeway.com/en/product/csb-the-invitation-new-testament-P005787336

Invitations.  You can get them from Lifeway or Christian book here is offering free shipping.  How many?  I can hand out 5-10 just day to day and a good 40-50 on a Handout.  The recipients tend to prefer "Old" King James but I have had more requests for "something modern" so I would say about 80% King James and 20% modern (Lifeway/Christian book have a newer version "HCSB" which was done by the Baptists and is sound).  Those run about 50-60 cents each just make sure you are getting free shipping!  

I would also like some NLT's for Houston and also a case to take to CA when I visit my Dad next month as he is a HUGE NLT fan and I'm planning at least one Handout.  Apparently Bibles by the case has a good deal but I don't use Venmo or PayPal.  

Spanish.  Please, send Spanish.  Whole Bibles, New Testaments, Gospel of John, whatever you can.  I have recipients literally shouting for Spanish.  I don't care how they got here I am sharing the Gospel and prayer!  

https://www.christianbook.com/nuevo-testamento-vida-jesus-rvr-1960/9781558192287/pd/9236X?event=BRSRCG|PSEN. This is a good one only $1.15 each.  

Whole Bibles are great but I can only bring about a case (24) on a Handout.  I live to give whole Bibles though.  With the New Testaments I have carried 100 or so on a Handout.  

Wish list here I would love some New Testaments with Psalms and Proverbs.  

Writing this at the bus stop.  That's it for now!  

Some videos

 https://youtu.be/O0PeW1rdGlg?feature=shared

https://youtube.com/shorts/6MxV9MVYACE?si=2uzBvmgJt7zGbYM7

Pest already has my name.