Monday night

 Work was crazy.  The only thing I can figure my boss had to let the new girl hang herself.  One of those "you didn't pick her" hires.  She hasn't been pulling her weight.  

I got out of there.  The buses were running late.  I did not tell Buddy when I saw him but the other bus came first, I could have ridden it.  But 1.  It was packed and 2.  I figured Buddy was coming.  So I waited, the bus was mostly empty, we could talk a little.  

He has been talking about food places.  We do that, where's a good place to eat, what's your favorite meal.  He was talking me into "One of those greasy quesadillas after you do the Bible Handout" which does have appeal.  He was also telling me about a little food truck not far from my home (he doesn't know where I live) not on a bus line.  

Is he working up to asking me out?  I don't know.  I have figured out he is the kind of man who wants to set the pace.  I think his problem is he's very good looking (for real), and very easygoing so he has to say no a lot, to women.  

But I'm not sorry I gave him my number. I got home on time, but am very tired, I am going to bed.  Hopefully I will wake up early.  

Monday morning

 It will be an interesting day.  I made it to work OK.  My second driver told me the new drivers don't start until late January.  

I am going to try to go to lunch earlier.  I am sick of the weird guy bothering me and trying to force me to watch "funny" videos   - people and animals being hurt as he laughs uproariously.  I have told him, repeatedly, I don't want to watch it. Last time I put my hand over the phone.  He got very angry but I don't care.  Easier just to take my lunch early.  He also complains a lot about the bus service.  

If someone ever snaps and shoots the place up my money is on him.  

Now on to more cheerful thoughts: I made some dump cake and brought that.  I also brought some of the granola bars everyone likes.  We will see what they think.  

I am very careful discussing family now

 Since the pest made some veiled threats about them.  

I will say my aunt came to town, we had a good time, a good meal and some holiday shopping.  I found something delicious to take on the Handout (I'm always out there with the munchies, holding my sign, a couple cases of Bibles at my feet, kicking myself I did not bring snacks).  

She liked her gift, I can put up a link.  Magical hand cream for less than $5, also some candles.  She has different migraine triggers, for me it is food, hormones, environment in pretty much that order.  For her it is scent and environment.  So it was a gamble giving her scented candles.  She said one would work but one wouldn't, and she would find it a good home.  The hand cream (it's more intensive than a lotion) is unscented, happily, and not very common.  

We did go by a grocery store, it was insane of course.  The chicken section was completely wiped out but I did find some thin little skillet steaks (beef) and some "wafer thin" pork chops.  That will make a wonderful holiday meal.  

I also got some Christmas cards to put in the Bibles which I think will be lovely.  My aunt loved the idea.  It is nice to get support on the Handouts, a lot of my evangelism working life it's been me out there on my own.  Sometimes literally just me on a corner.  

I don't need people telling me I'm wonderful; but I do like to spitball ideas sometimes and it's good to get feedback.  I can't do comments anymore.  So I love talking to people who are also excited about outreach.  Which is, no one at work.  

Someone is coming into work and leaving tracts.  It's not me, I was asked about it.  I said no, honestly, but I'd love to meet them and they were happy with the answer.  They know I restrict my evangelism to outside the store.  It's kind of like the old sign above the church exit doors "You are now entering the mission field".  But it would be fun to meet the evangelist and chat a little.  

I did meet one guy who was handing out gospel newsletters.  He was about 70 years old, married 40 years, couldn't understand the concept that some times are not the right time to share the Gospel.  I haven't seen him in a year or two.  There was an older Black lady leaving tracts with a heart, in other customer's shopping carts, I saw her at it one day.  She was very shy about it so I didn't say anything.  I thought it was very brave and very sweet.  There was a guy on the bus one day, he was neurodivergent in some way, he got on, wearing a "COVID" type mask, a hoodie pulled up, I could tell it was a white man but that's about it.  He went around handing out different tracts to everyone.  I had my candy with me so I accepted the tract, smiled, and gave him the candy (with a tract) he said thank you and left.  I never saw him again.  One time Ron and I were doing a Handout in Acres Homes, at my usual spot.  Buses pass up and down the street, a bus left the corner and a guy came running up to us with a ton of questions, which we answered.  He just thought we were the coolest thing ever and took a  photo which he then sent me on Facebook.  

I actually have this photo blown up on canvas hanging by my front door.  God will tell the guy that one day.  It's my favorite photo of us, one of our good times.  

So I remain hopeful, but I just don't meet evangelists.  We are pretty uncommon.  For one not many Americans are born again Christians.  Of them only a small percentage believe in evangelism.  They will go to a sermon about it, throw some money in the collection box to "save the lost" and go home.  But actually go out there?  Have a tract in the house?  

One of my regrets (evangelically) is that I didn't make up more candy bags with tracts, and hand them out to toll booth workers back when we had them.  I went through the toll booth in many cars over the years but a lot of times I didn't think to do it, didn't have the supplies, or the driver didn't want to do it.  The last one I couldn't help.  But when I could I did and the worker was always happy to get that.  If I remarry I want someone who will think of things like that.  

And you have to do it for the right reasons, people are always asking me why?  For me, I have had a lot of pain in my life, people letting me down.  God has always been there for me and I have clung to Him many, many, times.  But there are people going through pain just as bad; worse, even.  And they don't have Him.  Not yet.  That's where I come in, I make the introduction, generally move out of their life (but always praying), and God sends them someone else to help in the journey.  

One day I was doing a Bible Handout.  This woman walked over to me, a middle aged Black lady.  She stood on the sidewalk watching me work the median (our streets here generally have a raised area with grass in between the lanes, it is several feet wide and can easily be 100 feet long, that's where I work).  I was holding the sign you see above, most likely, running up and down seeing if anyone wanted a Bible, handing them out as requested.  I don't take donations but between us I do take snacks.  She just stood there watching me for minutes.  I waved at her and smiled a few times and she walked over.  

I offered her a Bible.  "You already gave me one" she said.  "You were doing this a couple months ago and you gave my friend one, she asked for one for me and you gave it to her".  I probably also told her I'd be praying.  I hope I did.  "She told me about you but I didn't believe anyone would do this until just now.  It was you, wasn't it?"  I told her that, as far as I know, I'm the only one doing this.  

[Side note, since then a local Baptist Church apparently spotted me working one day and adapted the idea.  They dress up for their Bible Handouts, set up shop in retail parking lots like Target and Walmart, have a nice standing sign, very nice KJV Bibles wrapped in plastic.  I do more the ghetto circus I guess you'd call it, me in the loud orange t shirt and the battered, laminated, poster board sign, in the bad neighborhood where they tried to carjack one of my bus drivers).  

She just stood there and watched me for a while, when I turned around she was gone.  I don't know what image she had in her head.   I hope she opened the Bible.  

Like I said, I just make an introduction.  

Saturday night at my house

 I forgot to mention Google let me know Ron's neurologist found my review and gave it a heart emoji.  I'm glad he knows; I know for a fact Doc listened to his voicemails personally every morning before seeing his patients.  A day or two after Ron died I left a message for the Doc letting him know Ron was gone and how much I had appreciated the care he had given us, how it had been such a burden lifted that we got the seizures under control.  

Between us every regular doctor would freak at the word "seizures".  Doc was very matter of fact.  I remember him telling me Ron was at a very low dose on the Keppra and, at some point, he would have another seizure, that, when it happened, I was not to worry, just call and we would adjust the dose upward.  He was very matter of fact about it and said that during a couple of visits.  It was just what I needed to hear; every other doctor had hysterics at the word.  

I wish him nothing but the best.  He does not have a good overall rating on Google, which is criminal.  He's an excellent doctor and I would see him myself if I needed a neurologist.  

That is one of the nice things about living in Houston, we have all the great specialist doctors close at hand.  I have always lived near a big city - from minutes to an hour away.  

My aunt is picking me up early tomorrow.  I need to go to bed!  

I hope you enjoyed seeing me with my boys.  

Orange sugar video!

 Also me in my black cat orange nightgown!  When it hit the racks I liked it so much I bought it at full price.  

If you look behind me a few seconds after the video starts you'll see Biscuit walk by.  

Saturday dinner

 I have been battling a bad headache all day.  I hardly ate anything I just wasn't hungry.  I am glad my aunt didn't come by today.  

I did manage to pick up and clean the bathroom, get some laundry going.  

I am curious to see how it ends with Buddy.  Does the boss have me work late Monday and Tuesday?  If so, I won't see him again.  If I get off on time, and he's driving, I'll see him.  

I will miss knowing I'll see him at the end of the day.  I'm all 5 love languages but my primary 2 are quality time and gifts.  It was nice just sitting there watching him drive.  Very soothing for some reason.  

I'm going to lay down for a little bit before I call my Dad.  

They have a very active social life so I just texted them to call when ready if they could.  

Cleo was very sweet licking my face, standing on me as I talked to her and pet her in bed.  That's one reason I don't want to wear a lot of lotion or makeup.  She licks me a lot.  

I had a look in the fridge.  I got some rotini pasta, boiled that, threw it in a bowl with a little butter and some fire roasted salsa I bought in a can at work (surprisingly good).  A little shredded cheese and some frozen mixed vegetables (the usual mix) heated up.  It's delicious. 

I'm just not the person to make the same thing every time.  Ron hated that.  

I'm going to go eat this.  

I feel the generation gap

 I met Buddy last year on the Crazy Train route (the one that departs work, when I get off).  He did that until the end of the year, bid to come back, lost the bid.  I figured I would never see him again.  I was delighted when he came back about the same time as my assault.  

I made some choices and gave him my number.  But I am older (I think about 15 years or so), he isn't interested.  That's OK I won't lie in bed at night wondering what if I'd given him my number.  

I am active online, to the point I spend an extra $40 a month for my isp because I feel they are more reliable.  

Anyway one of my groups I have seen young (early 20's) kids talk about calling into work because they "can't".  "I have anxiety today I can't do it".  

Today I said I think that's the difference with people who pay all the bills themselves vs. people who do not.  Someone like me I have to go to work.  If I don't work I'm homeless.  

If Katniss calls in sick her Mom and Dad will pay the cell phone bill, or her boyfriend.  What difference does it make?  

I also pointed out that when retail workers call in sick someone else has to cover.  I don't want to put that weight on someone I like (and I like all my coworkers).  

Gen X on up we fell down Mom and Dad would say "get up it's not that bad".  They would examine it, tell us to go play, and we would.  Ron fell off a ladder, on his head, as a child.  He said he just laid there, stunned.  His brother told him to get up and walk around.  He could.  He was "fine".  Now that's a little much but you get the idea.  

I think younger generations they fell down and their caregivers treated it as a major life crisis.  Now that said, Mom had a rule if we did have to go to the hospital we would get ice cream (at the shop!).  And I did when it was my turn to fall off my bike.  When my younger brother hurt himself I provided first aid so Mom brought me ice cream from the shop when she brought him back from the hospital.  But then it was back to life.  

If kids are slamming back 5 Monsters a day and complaining about anxiety they need to examine that.  Especially if it is leading them to call in sick on a holiday weekend.  I think it was more a case of "I don't want to work it".  

And I get that.  I've been there.  

But I'm counting on a full paycheck.  

I want to take some time to go see my aunt and uncle once things settle at work.  I will need PTO to cover that.  So I'm saving it.