It's not that bad, anyway. Miserable, yes. Suicidal? No.
Besides, I've learned to expect a post-Bible-handout-depression. It seems to go with the territory. I strike a blow for God, the devil strikes a blow. Here's a hint: God wins.
I have plenty of battle scars, though. In the Bible, the apostle Paul talks about the shield of faith. I've heard it described as getting bigger, and more impressive, the more it's used. Boy, mine must be huge!
I just hate it when I'm ruminating (you can look it up, my modem is misbehaving and I'll be "lucky" to post this) - brooding on something I'd just as soon GET OUT OF MY HEAD ALREADY!
Ugh. I wonder, do people want to hear about this? Today, for instance, obsessively wondering if the neighbor kids are going to run around in my yard during the Easter party. They usually have a party, and just as usually run around in their yard. Recently, they were running around in my yard, in huge packs, like deer or some other herd animal. Are children herd animals? I think so.
Anyway, if that wasn't bad enough the oldest boy was shouting unflattering comments about Ron and I trying to "trick" them into thinking we had a dog? WHAT? It's my yard, kid, keep out.
Not to mention no nobody was watching the 3 year old and he kept running around in my yard, by himself. I didn't like that one bit.
So, I wrote a note to him, asking him to keep all children out of my yard, "for safety reasons". Then, a week later, Ron had a SPECTACULAR blackout, raving madly and profanely outside, for hours. God only knows what he did the next night, when I was gone (other than trash the bedroom). Probably more of the same (he was extremely drunk a couple nights in a row).
So, if the note didn't do it, the raving alcoholic will probably do it. Heck, I haven't even seen the kids in their own yard since then. I think Dad is understands just WHY I want them on their own side of the fence.
But I just can't pry it out of my head. AGH. It doesn't make me feel better to put any of this out there for the world to see, but I do want people to be able to understand my thought processes. How can you understand me, or anyone with this illness, otherwise?
Now, worst case: if I do catch the kids in my yard again I will do what I did when I had some other kids rudely climbing over my gate.
"Do you live here?"
"Who pays the mortgage on this house?"
"Did I give you permission to come into the yard?"
"Do you want me to tell your parents?"
It worked quite well, last time. I can also prop something against the gate, to keep anyone out, should the need arise.
Boy, my modem is really naughty today.
So, how will I handle this?
Most importantly, I will be heating up something to eat, and taking my lithium.
I will also take a nice hot bath and read a fluffy romance novel.
If I'm still a little wound up, do some cleaning.
Spiritual angle, pray, remind myself I need to take my thoughts captive (from the Bible, actually).
2 Corinthians 10:5
If they do have a party, I can put on headphones.
I might also get started on my art. I have a vision of a cross. It has a pointy end at the bottom, which is impaling something that represents either a "Bad thought" or the word, "Thoughts".
To the left of the cross, it will say TAKE
Under the cross, (being impaled) THOUGHTS
To the right, CAPTIVE. Somewhere in there the Bible verse 2 Cor. 10:5
I might also put a Bible up with the cross. I haven't decided yet.
If I were the "ink" type, I bet that would make an AWESOME tattoo.